


Love is Blind

by mollieblack



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Blind Character, Blindness, Disabled Character, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Homophobia, M/M, Phanfiction, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Smut, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-08
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-01-31 00:05:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 24,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12664200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mollieblack/pseuds/mollieblack
Summary: When Phil Lester moves to a new highschool in London, he's determined about a few things.1) NO ONE here is going to find out he's gay2) He's not going to make friends with anyone that could bring him to the bottom of the school hierarchy3) He refuses to get bullied here - even if that means not standing up for what he believes is rightWhat he didn't expect was that one boy would compromise everything, and suddenly those rules wouldn't seem so important anymore.





	1. Chapter 1

Phil was angry. 

 

He didn’t want to go to a new school. He didn’t want to have to learn the new hierarchy, figure out who the bullies were from experience, try to scrounge up a few friends who would inevitably eventually think he was too weird or just lose interest. 

 

He’d been perfectly comfortable where he’d been in Manchester, but now his family just  _ had _ to move to London so his dad could get work, and now Phil had a new school and a whole new code to learn. 

 

His first day he kept his head down. He was seventeen… he shouldn’t be afraid of other kids… but he was. His old school had taught him to keep his wits about him. 

 

At his old school the bullies had been merciless. People would label you the minute you showed any weakness, and from then on they’d hammer you into the ground with that weakness. 

 

For Phil, that weakness had been his idiotic bravery. When he was thirteen he’d mentioned how he liked another boy’s hair, and the school had found his weakness. He wasn’t out, back then he hadn’t even been sure if he was gay or not, but they labeled him as such, and from then on he was the fag. The pansy. The girl. 

 

Not only did this make school hell, but it made home terrifying. Phil didn’t know what his parents views on homosexuality were, but he felt like they probably wouldn’t be too keen on it. I mean… who wanted a gay son?

 

He supposed that was one good thing about this new school. No one here would think he was gay. 

 

So he went about his day, trying to be as invisible as a six foot boy could be, sitting in the backs of classes and taking quiet notes. He found a bench between some bushes at lunch and ate there, watching the other students run and play and chat with their friends. He was content being alone. At least he wasn’t getting his head shoved in a toilet or having his lip split by the rugby captain.

 

After school Phil went to the office, having to get some papers to fill out since he was new here. He picked them up and spent a few minutes giving the receptionist updated information about his address, emergency numbers, and more. Finally he was done and stepped out into the empty halls, sighing. 

 

Phil walked through the halls, and just as he turned a corner towards the exit his shoulder bumped something. He looked over in surprise, eyes wide, and saw another boy tumble to the ground. His eyebrows pulled together, as if to say ‘ _ Really?’ _ He hadn’t bumped him hard, and the boy went flying.

 

“What are you, made out of air?” Phil asked, watching the other boy stumble to his feet, wrapping his arms around his waist. 

 

The boy was tall, nearly as tall as Phil, but his posture made him look strangely small, all wrapped around himself. He looked at the ground, his warm brown curls falling over his forehead. 

 

“Sorry.”

 

“Not your fault.” Phil responded with a shrug, turning back towards the exit.

 

“Hey!” the boy called back out and Phil turned, raising his eyebrows. “Are you taking the bus?”

 

“Yeah.” Phil responded, sighing. He had a car, but his dad had needed it today to help pick up some things for the house. He’d told Phil it was a good opportunity to learn how to use the buses in case he ever needed to. 

 

“Me too.” the boy said, and with that he came up and began walking next to Phil. 

 

Phil set a brisk pace that the boy matched, but he stumbled a bit here and there. His arms were still around him, his gaze trained on the ground. 

 

“I’m Dan.” the boy finally said once they reached the stop, waiting for the bus. 

 

“Phil.” Phil responded with a sigh. He didn’t want to make friends. Not yet at least. He still needed to learn where people stood - for all he knew Dan could be on the bottom of the totem pole, and making friends with him would only mean putting a target on Phil’s own back.

 

The bus arrived eventually and Phil got on, Dan following behind. Phil sat down, and when Dan reached down to brush the seat next to him before sitting, he raised his eyebrows.

 

“You alright? Were there crumbs I didn’t see?” he asked, the boy next to him still looking down.

 

“Oh. No… I don’t know.” Dan responded with a stammer, and Phil shook his head, leaning back. This boy was weird. 

 

They went a few stops and Phil noticed that Dan had himself braced the whole time, his fingers wrapped around the base of his seat, knuckles white. He looked like he was about to pass out.

 

“Well, this is my stop.” Phil mumbled as they pulled up near his house, and Dan shot up immediately.

 

“Me too.” Dan announced and Phil sighed once more, walking out of the bus with Dan on his toes. 

 

Phil heard a yelp after he got off and looked back to see Dan on the pavement, shaking as he unsteadily climbed back to his feet.

 

“You alright?” Phil asked, wondering just how many times one person could fall in a day.

 

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. Just tripped.”

 

“Right.”

 

Phil started walking, and when he heard Dan behind him he looked back, raising his eyebrows once more. Was this boy following him? 

 

Dan looked almost pained, sweat beginning to bead on his forehead. He looked terrified, though of what Phil had no idea.

 

After a few moments of watching the boy chew on his lip nervously, Dan finally sighed and spoke.

 

“Phil?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Could I use your phone? Mine died.”

 

“Oh… sorry. Mine got smashed in the move, my dad’s getting me a new one today.” Phil apologized, wondering if that could be what made this boy so scared.

 

“Oh… see, my parents aren’t home and I can’t get in without them… do you think I might be able to come to your house and use a phone there?”

 

“Uh… sure.” Phil decided with an inward groan. Just what he needed. Some weird, timid, terrified boy who seemed to have latched onto him within the first day. Oh well, he was bound to get beat up sooner or later, why not make it sooner?

 

They walked back to Phil’s house and Dan walked behind him up the steps, and then they were stepping inside. There were still some boxes around, but most things were unpacked and they took their shoes off, stepping into the living room.

 

“Hi mum.” Phil spoke when his mum walked in, a surprised smile coming onto her face at the sight of Dan.

 

“Now who’s this?” she asked, walking up to them, and Dan shifted uncomfortably.

 

“I’m Dan.” he spoke, his voice nervous.

 

“Phil! Making friends the first day? I’m so happy for you!”

 

Phil shot an embarrassed glance at Dan who just stared at his feet, shifting side to side.

 

“Well come on in, don’t stand in the doorway! I’m just fixing an early dinner, Dan will you stay?”

 

“Oh, I was just coming in to see if I could use a phone…” Dan mumbled, but Phil sighed, knowing it was no use.

 

“Nonsense! Come on in, Phil can show you his room and you can stay over for dinner! It’s so nice to meet you!” 

 

“Oh um… alright.” Dan finally agreed, biting his lip. 

 

“Mum, can I see your phone?” Phil asked, and she nodded, handing him her cellphone. He took it and gave it to Dan who stared at it for a few minutes, his thumb running over the screen, before handing it back to Phil. 

 

“Um… could you just send it for me? I have big hands… I can never hit the right buttons on those smartphone keyboards.” 

 

Phil raised his eyebrows but sighed and took it back, opening up a new message.

 

Dan told him the number and Phil sent a message saying Dan was messaging from a friend’s mum’s phone and he was going to be gone for dinner. 

 

They gave the phone back to Phil’s mum and Phil sighed, deciding they may as well go to his room.

 

“Come on, this way.” He instructed, making his way through the new house and up the flight of stairs to his room. Dan followed hesitantly behind, and Phil kept looking behind him to make sure Dan wasn’t getting lost, he was moving so slowly.

 

They got up and Phil plopped down on his bed. Dan stood awkwardly in the entrance, playing with his fingers.

 

“It’s not really all together yet, still have some little things to put out, but it’s home.” Phil stated, looking around at his room. There were still a few boxes but most of his stuff was out, posters on the walls and ceiling and knick knacks covering the shelves.

 

“I like it.” Dan spoke carefully after a few minutes.

 

“You can come sit down if you want.” Phil offered, patting the bed, and Dan hesitantly made his way over. Finally he pulled himself onto the bed, sitting with his ankles crossed, looking down at his hands. 

 

“So… what do you like to do, Dan?” Phil asked and Dan shrugged his shoulders.

 

“I like books.” he responded eventually. “And I like going on walks sometimes.”

 

“What’s your favorite book?” Phil asked, hoping to find  _ some  _ shared interest and Dan shrugged. 

 

“I don’t know. I don’t know how to pick a favorite. I like things like Harry Potter… but I also like things like Gone With the Wind. And To Kill a Mockingbird. I guess I just like stories.”

 

Phil nodded and they sat in silence for a while. Eventually they began talking about school and Phil actually found himself laughing when suddenly Dan’s entire demeanor changed, becoming passionate as he spoke about what teachers were amazing and which ones were awful, as well as which students were dumb and which ones were cruel. 

 

Phil giggled as Dan gesticulated wildly, telling him all about the people to stay away from, and he looked down, smiling. Maybe befriending Dan wasn’t such a bad idea. Maybe he could learn a thing or two about this school. Dan seemed like an observer… he probably would be a great resource.

 

After a while they were called down for dinner and Dan once again became somewhat timid, walking slowly through the house with Phil leading him. They got to the table and Dan grabbed his chair, pulling it out and sitting down, smiling.

 

“Thank you for inviting me.” he said softly, Phil’s parents smiling back.

 

“Of course sweetie!” Phil’s mum cooed.

 

“It’s nice to meet you, Dan.” Phil’s dad said with a smile, which Dan returned.

 

They began eating, spaghetti and meatballs tonight, and Phil winced as his parents began their all too expected but never wished for interrogation of anyone Phil might call a friend.

 

“So Dan… what’s your favorite class?” Phil’s mum asked.

 

“Oh um… I don’t know. I suppose I like my sculpting class.”

 

“Phil’s in that one too! Aren’t you, sweetie?”

 

“Yeah.” Phil responded, shooting Dan a look that said ‘I’m sorry for this’. 

 

“What’s your favorite color?”

 

“Um… black I suppose.” Dan responded and Phil nodded, it making sense since everything Dan was wearing was the same dark tone.

 

Of course, the rest of the meal was spent with Phil’s parents asking Dan everything under the sun and Dan blushing, trying to respond before the next question was fired. 

 

Finally, as they were getting up after dinner, Phil’s mum asked one more question.

 

“Dan?”

  
“Yes, Mrs. Lester?”

 

“I know you sculpt, but have you ever gotten into drawing?”

 

“No, I haven’t.” Dan responded, his face twisting a bit into an expression Phil couldn’t quite read.

 

“Mum… I don’t think you need to ask him anymore questions…” Phil said warily, wondering if Dan was feeling uncomfortable from the interrogation.

 

“Why not?” Phil’s mum asked, ignoring Phil.

 

“I’m blind.” Dan responded with a sigh and Phil’s eyes went wide along with his parents as Dan stood, looking down at the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not blind, and I do not personally know anyone who is blind. I am doing my best to tell this story in a truthful way, but there may be details that are unrealistic/simply untrue. I'm sorry if anything is incorrect and I hope you can overlook any of those errors and be able to appreciate the story :) Thank you for your understanding


	2. Chapter 2

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Phil demanded once they’d gotten into his car. Dan shifted in his seat nervously, looking at his lap. They hadn’t left Phil’s driveway yet.

 

“Well… see Harry and his friends broke my cane today at school. And my phone died so I didn’t know what to do… so I just followed you and got on the bus with you. I don’t live near you. Or I don’t know if I do… I can’t tell when I’m on a bus where it is. It moves too fast.” Dan spoke quickly, biting his lip. He hated feeling helpless, but today had just beaten him into the ground.

 

“They broke your cane?” Phil asked in disbelief and Dan shrugged, looking down.

 

“Yeah. It’s not uncommon.”

 

“That’s horrible.”

 

“It’s fine.” Dan responded quickly, not wanting to get into that. “Anyways, I can function pretty well, but I have no idea where we are… so thank you for taking me home.”

 

“Of course…” Phil spoke quietly, a frown in his voice. A moment later the engine started and they began moving, and Dan gripped onto the car around him.

 

“I’ll go slow.” Phil promised and Dan nodded, smiling as best he could.

 

“Thanks.”

 

Phil followed his GPS to the address Dan had given him (or so Dan assumed, at least), and Dan tried to keep his expression strong. Really, on the inside, he was breaking down. Dan  _ hated _ needing other people. He’d been blind for four years after the accident when he was thirteen, and he’d gone through a special school for two and a half of those years to be able to function independently. He didn’t need other people. He  _ didn’t _ . 

 

Well, he didn’t so long as he had his cane. Or his dog, Bailey, who had to go to the vet so he hadn’t had her with him today. Not that he usually took her to school anyways. Or his phone that would speak to him so he could get in touch with his parents if he really found himself needing something.

 

Today everything had happened at once, and Dan had been left feeling helpless and alone and  _ lost.  _ Over the years the blackness had become comfortable usually, but today it’d been terrifying. A void of the unknown, and Dan had been worried he’d fall every second. 

 

He’d trusted his instincts, though, and followed behind the sound of Phil’s footsteps, and overall he’d been alright. 

 

“You still haven’t told me.” Phil spoke eventually, breaking Dan’s train of thought.

  
“Told you what?”

 

“Why you didn’t tell me.”

 

“Oh… I guess I just kind of liked someone treating me like normal.” Dan finally spoke, feeling immensely vulnerable. “People usually go one of two ways. They pity me or they pick on me. You didn’t do either… you just treated me like a normal person. It was nice… even if it was just for a bit.”

 

“Oh.” was all Phil said, and silence took back over as they continued to drive. Finally the car came to a stop and Dan heard Phil shift it into park, sighing. “You know I won’t pick on you. Or pity you… Just because I know doesn't mean I'll treat you any differently.” Phil promised and Dan shrugged, unbuckling his seatbelt and picking up his backpack.

 

“You already are.” Dan spoke resignedly.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“You didn’t seem to want to be friends before. Now suddenly you’re being nice. Pity.”

 

“No… I decided I wanted to be your friend in my room. When you were telling me about people at school.” 

 

Dan frowned, thinking back and wondering if that could be true. 

 

“You really want to be my friend?” he asked finally, doubt thick in his tone.

 

“I really do.” Came the response and Dan couldn’t keep the small smile from his face as he allowed himself to tentatively believe Phil. 

 

“Okay.” he responded before reaching over and feeling the side of the door before finding the handle, opening it and stepping out carefully.

 

“Do you need help getting back?”

 

“No, I know my house, I can get in. Uh… thanks, though.”

 

“No problem.” Phil’s voice sounded as if he was smiling, only making Dan grin harder. 

 

“Oh! Dan, wait!” Phil’s voice came as Dan reached his door and he turned around. Footsteps approached him quickly until someone was standing right in front of him. “What’s your number?” Phil asked and Dan smiled, feeling a small blush creep into his cheeks.

 

He told Phil his number and Phil plugged it into the new phone his dad had given him, promising he’d text. Dan nodded and soon Phil was gone and Dan was stepping into his house, immediately rushing to plug in his phone.

 

He’d made a friend.

 

It’d been years of isolation and loneliness for Dan, and of course he was wary since he only met Phil today… but Phil called him his friend. 

 

“Who was that?” Dan’s mum’s voice came from the entrance to his room, and Dan realized he had a huge smile spread across his face. He tried to regain a normal expression but he was still smiling slightly, and now blushing a bit too.

 

“He’s just a guy from school. I had dinner at his house and he drove me home.”

 

“He’s cute.” she spoke and Dan blushed, covering his face. 

 

“Mum, he’s just a friend!” 

 

“Sure he is.” his mum spoke in the tone only mums can speak in, and Dan’s blush intensified.

 

“...Is he though?” he finally squeaked, and he didn’t miss the little laugh she let out.

 

“Yes. He’s very cute.” she promised and Dan nodded, blushing and hiding his face.

 

His mum closed his door with a little laugh and Dan fell into his bed, squeezing his sheets with his hands and toes, smiling wide. 

 

Phil was cute. Phil was cute and he was Dan’s friend.

 

He decided to take a nap right then and there, exhausted from the day, but he made a strong mental note to talk to his mum later and get every detail about what Phil looked like. He wanted to know everything.


	3. Chapter 3

Phil sent the text almost immediately. 

 

**PHIL: Hey Dan it’s me, the asshole who knocked you over in the hall without knowing you couldn’t see. Thanks for coming over today, it was a lot of fun :D**

 

He didn’t get a response, but he didn’t mind. He knew Dan’s phone was dead so he just drove home and went to his bedroom, smiling. At this point he didn’t care where Dan was on the social totem pole. He liked spending time with him, so he was going to be his friend, and that was that.

 

Phil killed time watching movies and playing games, until finally near eleven at night, his phone buzzed.

 

**DAN: Sorry! I took a nap. And thank you for having me over. :) B.T.W. sorry if this is all written out seeming really official, my Voice-to-Text thing corrects things, so I always feel like I’m a robot in my texts. Well, probably at least. When I used to text I’d never capitalize anything and I used a lot of emojis. Now I can only really do normal smiley faces or sad faces, though. Also sorry… being able to just talk for text means a lot of the time I leave really long texts, which I realize is what I’m doing right now. Okay, I’m gonna go now. Bye.**

 

Phil grinned at his phone, biting his lip at the text. What a dork.

 

**PHIL: I don’t mind, go ahead and ramble all you want :) BTW do you have a ride to school tomorrow?**

 

**DAN: Actually I generally walk. I kind of like walking… I don’t know. I think it helps me feel more functioning.**

 

**PHIL: Oh, alright. When do you usually leave?**

 

**DAN: Are you planning on kidnapping me?**

 

**PHIL: When do you leave? :D**

 

**DAN: Usually like 8:15**

 

**PHIL: Good to know.**

 

**DAN: I’m terrified.**

 

**PHIL: You should be**

 

**DAN: WHAT THE HELL IT’S ELEVEN THIRTY? I THOUGHT IT WAS LIKE EIGHT!**

 

**PHIL: LOL**

 

**DAN: The cons of it ALWAYS being dark out.**

 

**PHIL: Do you want to go to bed?**

 

**DAN: No… do you?**

 

**PHIL: I should… but no :D**

 

Phil grinned at his screen idiotically and the two boys messaged for another hour until Dan finally stopped messaging and Phil figured he’d fallen asleep. He smiled as he laid down, pulling up the alarm clock on his phone and setting it just a bit earlier than he usually did. 

 

Suddenly everything had changed.

 

Yesterday Phil was angry and hopeless about going to a new school.

 

Now he was excited and there was an unexplainable fluttering in his chest that made him feel like he was walking on clouds.

 

It took him a while to fall asleep, but when he did, he slept like a baby.


	4. Chapter 4

Dan woke up slowly, rubbing his eyes before opening them.

 

You’d think after four years of being blind he wouldn’t still be surprised each morning when he still saw only darkness.

 

After the familiar weight of realization dawned on him, Dan shrugged it off as best he could and slipped out of bed, making his way to the dresser and pulling out the clothes he needed. He was grateful that his family agreed to buy him only black clothing - this way he was always guaranteed to match. And black looked good on everyone, right? Well… at least he was pretty sure his parents bought him all black. That’s what they said, and people at school would sometimes make comments about him being a ‘walking funeral’, so he decided to trust them. Not that he had much of a choice.

 

Once dressed, Dan made his way down into the kitchen. He put together a bowl of cereal and sat down at the table, spooning it carefully into his mouth. 

 

Eventually his mum entered - he could always tell if it was his mum or dad based on the sound of their footsteps - and began moving about the kitchen.

 

“Morning, sweetie.” She greeted him, and Dan hummed around his cereal in reply. “Turkey or Ham?”

 

“Turkey.” Dan replied, knowing she was beginning to make him a sandwich for school. “Is Bailey gonna be home soon?”

 

“I think it’s going to be another few days. The tumor they found needed surgery to remove, so she needs some time to recover.”

 

“Alright.” Dan responded quietly, returning to his food and trying not to think too much about what might happen if Bailey, the one creature he trusted most in this world, didn’t make it back to him.

 

He ate and she made his lunch, and neither talked much. Dan appreciated this about his parents. He wasn’t a super talkative person - especially in the mornings - and he was glad that they let him be most of the time. Especially because Dan relied so much on sound, and when no one was talking it was like his world lit up. It was almost like he could see again.

 

He could see the way the bread squished before it broke underneath his mum’s knife, which finally split through and connected with the wooden cutting board. He could see his mum stepping lazily side to side in her slippers on the tiled floor, probably along to a song in her head. He could see the clock ticking away above their sink, and he could see the birds outside waking up and singing. He could see the wind rustling the leaves of the trees and he could see the way his cereal swirled about in his bowl as he stirred with his spoon. He could see all of this… and yet it was dark.

 

What he didn’t see was the boy walking up to his door, until he nearly jumped at the three careful knocks. His mum went to get it, and when it opened and Dan heard a familiar voice, he froze. 

 

What was Phil doing here?

 

Phil and his mum shared a quick greeting before the other boy came inside and Dan gulped down his mouthful of cereal, raising his hands quickly to fix his hair - though obviously he had no way of telling if what he was doing was actually helpful or not.

 

“Good morning.” Phil spoke, a smile shining through in his voice and Dan couldn’t help but smile back, though he was still confused.

 

“Morning. Why are you here?”

 

“Well, you said you didn’t want a ride so you could walk… so I figured I’d just leave my car here and I could walk with you to and from school!” Phil announced proudly. Dan smiled, but suddenly he felt a weight on his chest, and he knew his smile was forced.

 

“Thanks, Phil, but…”

 

“What?” Phil asked, and Dan heard him sitting in a chair nearby. 

 

“What happened to no pity?” Dan asked softly and he heard Phil sigh.

 

“Dan, I’m not pitying you.”

 

“Would you have done this if I wasn’t blind?”

 

“Yes!” 

 

“I don’t think that’s true.”

 

“I would! I want to walk with you because you’re my only friend, and I want to walk with you and hear more about what the people at school are like! I want to talk to you - and this is just another way to spend time together and hang out.” Phil insisted and Dan bit his lip, unsure. 

 

“Alright… we can walk together.” Dan finally decided, smiling gently at the two small and excited quick claps that followed. “Thank you.” he added.

 

Dan got up and put away his bowl and silverware in the dishwasher before making his way to the front door. He reached into his backpack and pulled out his folding cane.

 

“You fixed it!” Phil’s voice came from behind him and Dan turned around quickly.

 

“Oh uh… no. This is a spare.” he spoke jerkily, worried Phil might say too much. He hadn’t told his mum about it being broken. He’d just said it got lost - she didn’t need to know he was bullied. She’d only worry. 

 

Luckily Phil just hummed a response and then they were leaving, Dan extending his cane and grazing it side to side, feeling the space before him. 

 

They walked in silence for a while, Dan leading the way to the school since Phil was still new to the area and relied on virtual maps to tell him where to go.

 

“Does your arm ever get tired?” Phil finally asked, breaking the comfortable silence. 

  
“What do you mean? With my cane?”

 

“Yeah. Always holding it and swinging it side to side.”

 

“I dunno. I suppose, yeah… sometimes I switch arms if I get too tired, but generally I just try not to use my cane when I don’t need it. I feel like it’s just a flag saying ‘hey look at me, I’m blind’. Not to mention it just makes me feel… bulky.”

 

“I’m sorry.” Phil responded and Dan stopped, turning to face approximately where he assumed Phil was.

 

“What did I say about pity?”

 

“Sorry.”

 

“Phil.”

 

“Right.”

 

Both boys started giggling after a moment and Dan turned back, feeling with his cane where the pavement dropped off on either side and righting himself so he was walking straight before stepping forward once more.

 

They walked and Dan told Phil stories about the people at the school. Which kids to stay away from, which teachers would give you slack, which janitors might give you half a sandwich if you asked nicely. 

 

Dan made Phil laugh easily and this made him smile, a flush rising to his cheeks. He wasn’t used to making people laugh. Usually he just made people uncomfortable, and any attempt at a joke he made would be taken the wrong way. People didn’t think that someone with a disability like his  _ could _ joke, so they’d interpret it as some dark and serious statement, and Dan would have to go on a long-winded explanation of the fact that he’d been being sarcastic. Eventually Dan had stopped joking all together. 

 

Now, though, Dan found himself trying to make Phil laugh as much as he could, giggling along with the other boy as they walked. In fact, he found himself having so much fun that he didn’t even realize when they arrived at school. 

 

They were there early, though, so Dan led Phil to a bench he liked to sit at that was somewhat isolated, and asked Phil to pull out his class schedule so they could compare. When he heard Phil tell him that they had all their classes together Dan nearly squealed for joy, hopping on his butt on the bench with a huge smile plastered across his face. 

 

He sucked in a quick breath when suddenly arms were around him, pulling him tight against a body, but he quickly relaxed and hugged Phil back, smiling into his shoulder. He had a friend. Daniel Howell had a friend.

 

The day went by smoothly. Dan and Phil were able to sit with each other in most of their classes, and Dan would tell Phil about what a person’s personality was like and then Phil would describe what they looked like. It was nice - Dan had never really had a friend since coming to this school, so he never had anyone to fill in those blanks for him.

 

“So that was Bridget.” Dan whispered after a girl raised her hand and gave an (incorrect) answer about what the equation for velocity was. Phil nodded, and informed Dan that she was a bit pudgy and had mousy brown hair in two pigtails.

 

“More detail!” Dan had demanded and Phil had laughed quietly. 

 

“Alright. She’s wearing a pink tshirt with a bunny on the front, faded blue jeans, black converse, and her backpack is yellow and pink striped. She’s very… bright. She’s chewing on the eraser of her pencil right now.”

 

“Mechanical or regular?”

 

“Mechanical. Blue, with a grey tip and eraser.”

 

“Is she pretty?”

 

“Do you want the nice answer or the real one?”

 

“What do you think?”

 

“No. I don’t think so at least.” Phil answered honestly and Dan nodded, putting away his new information about the girl who took any chance she could get to stick things in his hair without him noticing. “She’s certainly not my type.” Phil added after a pause.

 

They continued like this and soon the world was coming alive to Dan - faces being attached to names and voices that before had only been that. 

 

See, he’d never seen any of these people in his life. Sure, he’d seen people before he was blind, but he’d lived way back in Reading. When he went blind his family had moved to London so he could go to the school for the blind to learn to adapt, and once he had graduated their program he’d gone to a new school in London, filled with people he’d never laid his eyes on. 

 

By the end of the day Dan’s entire world felt filled with color and new information and he was nearly skipping as he and Phil left the school, his cane swinging back and forth. 

 

They walked and talked and Phil began describing the houses they passed, the cars, the colors of the mailboxes. 

 

At one point Dan’s cane got stuck on a piece of the pavement that was raised from the rest and he stopped for a moment, getting it unhooked.

 

“Is it annoying walking with that?” Phil asked and Dan laughed hopelessly.

 

“You have no idea.” he shook his head as he began walking again, but he was quickly stopped.

 

“Wait. Fold up your cane.” Phil said thoughtfully, and Dan cocked his head.

 

“What?”

  
“Fold up your cane.” Phil repeated and Dan frowned, slowly folding it up and sliding it into his backpack. “Do you trust me?” Phil asked and Dan nodded hesitantly. 

 

When Phil’s arm snaked through his Dan nearly jumped back, not expecting it. A moment later he relaxed, though, and looked towards where he approximated Phil’s face to be.

 

“Phil… thank you… but I can’t see things like raises in the pavement or bumps or steps… It’s probably better if I just use my cane.”

 

“No. Let’s walk like this. I’ll look and I’ll tell you.” Phil promised. “As long as you feel safe, that is. And if you fall I’m right here. I’ll catch you.”

 

Dan frowned for a second, considering, but eventually nodded. 

 

“Alright.”

 

They walked and sure enough, at every little bump Phil warned Dan. They walked and Dan relaxed quickly, leaning on Phil and relying on him to lead Dan in the right direction. 

 

It really wasn’t Phil’s fault when Dan tripped. He’d just said something funny and Dan laughed so hard he tripped over his own foot. He began to lurch forward and there was a moment where he hung in the air, terrified as he realized he was about to fall.

 

True to his word, though, suddenly Dan felt arms wrap around his waist and stop his fall, pulling him back up and against Phil, one hand rubbing his arm in reassurance once Phil was sure he was securely upright.

 

“Sorry.” Phil breathed and Dan shook his head, catching his own breath.

 

“It’s alright. Thank you. It was my fault, really. I just tripped over myself.”

 

“Do you want to use your cane?” Phil asked, and Dan frowned, shaking his head.

 

“No.” he was determined now. 

 

“Alright…” Phil agreed, though he seemed a bit more wary now. “Here… this will help.” Phil decided and Dan shivered when suddenly instead of an arm linking through his, attached at the elbow, Phil’s arm was wrapping all the way around his back, securing his hand on Dan’s waist. 

 

Dan felt himself get pulled snug to Phil’s side, and he didn’t have much of a choice but to wrap his own arm around Phil.

 

They began to walk like this and Dan swallowed hard, realizing just how much they must look like a couple right now. He’d never walked like this with anyone before… much less a boy. 

 

Generally if people saw someone with their arm laced through the arm of someone wearing darkened glasses or holding a cane, they might understand. Dan was different, though. Now that he had his cane away, there was nothing to show people that he was blind. See, Dan hated people treating him differently - he hated each and every thing that made him seem ‘different’ to people, so hell no he wasn’t going to wear black glasses every day just as another label shouting to the world that ‘ **HEY HE’S BLIND!** ’. 

 

Anyway, Dan had been told that he had a great sense of where people were when they spoke, so most of the time he was looking where he wanted to be, and you wouldn’t be able to tell from a first glance that he couldn’t see.

 

Suddenly Dan was overcome with a desire to be able to see them right now. Be able to see how they were walking. To be able to see Phil’s hand on his waist, to look over and see his face. Dan swallowed hard, refusing to get choked up.

 

“So… Phil.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“You described a lot of things today. Do you think you could… you could maybe tell me what you look like?”

 

There was a small silence followed by a sigh.

 

“I dunno. I’m tall. A bit taller than you. I have black hair… it’s actually light brown, but I dye it. My eyes are blue, but up close they have a bit of green and yellow in them. I wear contacts generally but sometimes I have glasses. I’m really pale… I usually wear button up plaid shirts and black jeans. I have a big head and a pointy nose…” Phil trailed off and Dan hummed, trying to conjure up an image in his mind. 

 

“Thank you.” Dan whispered finally and he felt a small squeeze on his side, bringing a smile to his face.

 

“No problem. Hey… we’re almost at your house.”

 

“Oh.” Dan responded, suddenly feeling sad. “Um… do you want to come in? I ate dinner at yours yesterday, I’m sure my parents wouldn’t mind you eating at mine tonight.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Of course.” Dan responded with a smile, and he hoped with all his heart that it was pointed towards Phil.


	5. Chapter 5

Dan’s family was sweet. They invited Phil in without question, encouraging him to make himself at home. They didn’t interrogate Phil at all as his own parents had done to Dan, though he did get a few ‘looks’ from them that made it clear they were protective of their son and wanted to make sure he was being treated right.

 

They also gave him looks - particularly Dan’s mum - when Phil would make Dan laugh especially hard or blush. Phil couldn’t get enough of it - he’d been doing his best to get more Dan blushes all day - the rosey patch that formed on his jaw was just too precious. Whenever he’d see that blush he’d smile at Dan, and then out of the corner of his eye he’d see Dan’s mum giving him an approving and knowing smile, making  _ him _ blush.

 

He knew what she was thinking. It was obvious. This sent Phil into a spiral of thoughts.

 

Firstly, he shouldn’t. He couldn’t. Sure, he was gay and Dan was cute, but he’d just met him. Not only that, but Phil had no idea how to be helpful to a blind person! What if he did something wrong - said something wrong? Not even to mention the fact that he was  _ not _ about to broadcast his sexuality to the school. Or to his family. He couldn’t. He couldn’t like a boy.

 

And who knew if Dan was even gay? Though the looks Dan’s mum was sending his way made Phil feel like it was a distinct possibility…

 

Phil shook his head and tuned back into the conversation. It would be fine. Things would be fine. He and Dan would be friends and that’s all he needed. He didn’t have any friends, and it didn’t seem like Dan did either. That’s all they needed from each other. Friendship. Friends. 

 

“So Phil, do you have a girlfriend back home?” Dan’s dad asked suddenly and Phil’s eyes widened.

 

“No!” he responded quickly, the whole table looking over with wide eyes at his sudden yelp of an answer.

 

“Boyfriend?” Dan asked and Phil flushed, shaking his head. He looked up and saw both of Dan’s parents with wide eyes, gesturing with their heads towards Dan. At first he panicked, wondering if they were telling him to ask him out right then and there, but then he realized. Of course. Dan couldn’t see him shaking his head.

 

“Nope. No boyfriend.” he vocalized and Dan nodded, an unreadable expression on his face. 

 

_ Dammit, Phil. Why are you over-analyzing things so much? You’ve only known him for two days! _

 

Phil looked down at his plate and focused on eating. The conversation passed smoothly and quickly Phil was relaxing again, smiling and laughing as he ate. Eventually the meal was over and Dan looked over to Phil, biting his lip.

 

“Wanna watch a movie before you go home?” Dan asked and Phil smiled, nodding before he realized Dan couldn’t see that.

 

“Yes. Yeah, I’d love to.”

 

Phil could swear that the grin that broke out across Dan’s cheeks lit up the room and he couldn’t help but imitate it as Dan led him into the lounge, feeling around for the remote on the coffee table before picking it up.

 

“Here… could you navigate to Netflix?” Dan asked, a small blush on his cheeks. He looked embarrassed - as if he felt bad for not being able to search for movies.

 

“What do you want to watch?” Phil asked as he opened up Netflix and Dan shrugged.

 

“Well, there are movies for blind people that have the scenes explained, but I don’t really like them.” 

 

“I’m starting to get that you don’t really like anything that makes you feel different.” Phil observed and Dan blushed, nodding. 

 

“I don’t want special attention.”

 

“Alright, so what movies do you like?”

 

“Well… there are a few I knew really well from before the accident. I like watching those… because I remember how the scenes went for the most part, so I’m still able to follow the story just from the sound.”

 

“Alright.” Phil agreed, and it wasn’t long before the beginning of Titanic was playing.

 

The boys settled into the couch and Dan got a blanket from a cupboard, bringing it back. He threw half of it towards Phil, who was nestled in the corner of the couch, and Dan sat near him so they could share. 

 

Phil smiled as he watched Dan’s eyes fall shut as his expression concentrated. He had a tiny frown, and Phil could tell he was listening for every tiny sound in the movie. Phil wasn’t even looking at the screen, just staring at the smoothness of Dan’s jaw - the soft curl of his hair - the way he had just the tiniest bit of food on his shirt that he obviously couldn’t see to clean off, but was somehow adorable.

 

In seeing that, though, Phil realized he probably should help him. If he were blind he wouldn’t like people letting him go around with food on his shirt. It’s like when someone had food in their teeth - you didn’t just sit by and say nothing.

 

So Phil leaned forward, pausing when he was only a few inches away, realizing he should tell Dan what he was doing.

 

“Hey… Dan, you have something on your shirt.” Phil whispered and Dan’s eyes opened, staring just barely above Phil’s own eyes. 

 

“Can you get it off?” Dan asked and Phil nodded.

 

“Yeah.” he spoke, realizing once again that a nod was ineffective. He reached forward and gently plucked the food off of Dan. “There we go.” he whispered, leaning back against the couch. He didn’t lean back into his corner, though, now sitting directly next to Dan, their thighs gently touching.

 

Fuck.

 

These were dangerous waters. And not just because of the icebergs.

 

Phil chuckled at his own mental joke but took a deep, nervous breath, realizing just how dangerous this really could be. All his plans and rules for himself for this new city could be broken just by the simplest decision tonight, but for whatever reason Phil didn’t move away. He just couldn’t find it in him to care enough.

 

The movie passed and Phil watched Dan more than the screen itself. Near the two hour mark, Dan chuckled and turned to Phil, surprising the older boy by their sudden nearness now that Dan’s face was angled towards him.

 

“You know I can tell you’re watching me, not the movie, right?” Dan asked with a chuckle and Phil blushed crimson, looking down.

 

“What do you mean?” he squeaked, mortified to be found out.

 

“I can feel your breath on my face, idiot.” Dan giggled, his own blush rising to his cheeks.

 

“Sorry.” Phil mumbled, his brain whirring to think up a possible excuse. “It’s just amazing to me. How engrossed you can be in a movie you can only hear.”

 

“Right.” Dan nodded, grinning back at the TV, and Phil could tell not a word he’d said was believed. 

 

He blushed, turning back towards the screen. He still stole glances, but now time he was careful not to move his full head. 

 

Near the end of the movie Phil was actually very engrossed in it, and so it took him by surprise when he felt a gentle weight against his shoulder. He looked over to see Dan’s lips parted, his head resting on Phil as the quietest of snores escaped his lips. 

 

Phil smiled and he had to stop himself from reaching up to brush Dan’s hair out of his face, but he did take the moment to smile gently down at the boy on his shoulder, face lightly illuminated by the lamp in the room as well as the movie, eyelids soft. 

 

When Phil finally looked back up to turn the movie off so as not to wake Dan, his eyes went wide when he saw Dan’s mum in the doorway, smiling kindly at them. He blushed profusely but she just nodded, giving him one more smile before continuing away. He quickly turned off the movie - careful not to jostle Dan - then settled back. 

 

Phil sat there for several minutes - knowing he probably  _ should _ wake Dan, but just not having the heart to, until Dan finally stirred and hummed a bit confusedly, sitting up straight and rubbing his eyes. 

 

“Did I fall asleep?” Dan finally asked, frowning down at his hands.

 

“Yeah. It’s fine, you just missed the very end.”

 

“Oh… um…” Dan blushed, playing with his fingers. “Sorry… if I fell asleep on you.”

 

“It’s fine. I didn’t mind.” Phil reassured and Dan nodded, a small smile on his lips. 

 

“Thanks.” he whispered and Phil couldn’t help but smile at the boy in front of him, his seemingly permanent flush on his cheeks as the little rosey patch appeared over his freckle on his jaw. 

 

“You looked peaceful. I didn’t want to wake you up.” Phil explained after a moment, and he frowned when he saw Dan’s eyebrows crease together and a slightly pained expression take over his features. “What’s wrong?” he asked, turning to face Dan, bringing his legs up onto the couch and crossing them so he could give Dan his full attention.

 

Dan turned as well, biting his lip and taking a deep breath.

 

“I um… I dunno. Just… Phil… what do I look like?”

 

“What?” Phil asked, not so much because he didn’t hear, but more as a natural response to his sudden realization and saddened amazement that Dan didn’t know how he looked.

 

“I… it’s been a long time. I remember the basics… but I forget mostly what I look like… and I’m sure I’ve changed since four years ago… I don’t know… I just want to know.”

 

“Yeah.” Phil whispered, tears suddenly pricking behind his eyes. He couldn’t imagine not knowing what he looked like. It was such a basic thing… but it was something Dan didn’t know, and never would. Phil shook this off, deciding not to dwell because right now he had a task at hand. He was going to give the best, most detailed description he could.

 

“Well you have brown hair. It’s curly and soft, and it falls a bit in your face in the front. It’s styled really nicely, even when it’s messy it still looks good.”

 

Dan breathed out a sigh of relief and Phil smiled. “Oh, thank god. Everyone always tells me my hair looks fine, but for all I know they could be giving me a bowl cut. I mean… I’d feel something  _ that _ drastic… but you know what I mean.”

 

“Nope. No bowl cut.” Phil said with a smile and Dan nodded, his blush intensifying a bit. 

 

“Your skin is a bit of an olive color, somewhat pale but not nearly as pale as me. You have a few freckles - there are two near the dimple on your right cheek which is more of a line than the deeper one on your left.”

 

“I have dimples…” Dan echoed, and Phil smiled. “I forgot.” The smile dropped from Phil’s face.

 

“Yeah… yeah, you have dimples. When you smile they’re clear, and the skin by your eyes crinkles. Your eyes are warm brown and you have long, thick and dark eyelashes. Your eyebrows are soft, and so is your nose. Your upper lip has a gentle curve and your bottom one is full and round. Your teeth are pretty straight, though a few curve a bit out. It doesn’t look out of place, though. It just adds character.” Dan nods along, smiling slightly at Phil’s descriptions, spurring him on.

 

“You’re always wearing black, and it suits you well. We’re pretty different in that category. I mean… I wear black jeans usually and I have black hair, but I’m almost always wearing colored shirts with different logos or patterns on them. You’re tall and you have long legs, and your hands are massive. Your collarbones are deep and your whole body shakes when you laugh. Your smile can be small and sweet but when it gets big it lights up the room, and it’s impossible not to smile along.” Phil suddenly stops when he notices Dan’s widening eyes and the dark reddening of his neck and cheeks. 

 

When had Phil noticed all of this about Dan? When had he stored it all away, and why had he just told him all of this? Suddenly Phil felt very vulnerable and he stumbled over his words, bringing his hands around his own waist. “Um… yeah. So that’s what you look like.”

 

“Thanks.” Dan whispered, looking back down to his hands, and they both sat in silence for a few moments. 

 

“Uh… I should probably get going.” Phil mumbled eventually and Dan nodded, standing up.

 

“I’ll walk you to the door.”

 

“Alright.”

 

They walked together and Phil smiled at how easily Dan navigated his own home, walking confidently to the space until they reached the front door, pausing and turning towards Phil.

 

“I had a really good time. Thank you for coming over. I know moving is stressful… but I’m really glad you’re here.”

 

“I’m glad I’m here too.” Phil agreed, and he didn’t even think as he reached out and pulled Dan into a hug, smiling into his friend’s hair. “I’ll be here tomorrow morning to walk you to school, okay?”

 

“Okay.” Dan agreed with a smile as they pulled away. “See you, Phil.”

 

“See you.” 

 

On the drive back to his house, Phil couldn’t shake the new feeling washing over him. As much as he wanted to be successful at this new school - as much as he wanted to rise the social ladder and ensure that he wouldn’t get bullied… as much as he wanted to make the right friends and do the right things… somehow he couldn’t seem to care anymore. Somehow when Dan was involved… none of that mattered anymore.

 

Phil fell asleep with a small smile on his face, terrified of what might happen, but also excited.

 

It also may have helped that he’d been texting Dan since he got home, and the conversation ended with Dan sending;  **‘Goodnight, Phil. I’m really glad we’re friends. <3’**


	6. Chapter 6

A week passed, and Dan’s entire world was filling with color.

 

From the blue bands around the teacher’s pet, Lacy’s braces to the red hat the guy in front of him in English wore, to the dull purple of the lockers in the hallways to the green and blue checkered duvet in his new friend’s house, Phil was painting Dan’s world and making it come alive. 

 

Every day Dan woke up and began to get ready, taking a bit more care to try to look put together, and even asking his mum if he looked alright. Because every day Phil would show up at his house and they’d chat as Dan finished up his breakfast, and then they’d walk to school together. 

 

At first Phil insisted on walking with their arms around each other so Dan didn’t have to deal with his cane, but once they got to the school Dan tensed up. He didn’t really want the other students thinking they were together - mostly for Phil’s sake. He knew he’d get picked on too, but honestly at this point he was going to get picked on either way, so it wouldn’t make much of a difference. He didn’t want his new friend to get bullied, though, and possibly even come to resent Dan, so the blind boy slipped his arm off of Phil’s waist and pulled his cane back out, unfolding it. 

 

“I’m just feeling a little shaky on my feet.” he’d lied, and Phil had let it go without further question. From that point on, it became the norm. Phil would walk Dan to school, but a few blocks away Dan would take his cane out. On the way back Dan would use his cane for a few minutes, but eventually he’d put it away and hold onto Phil instead. It wasn’t something that Phil ever questioned, so eventually Dan stopped making up excuses for why he was doing it, and just went about his routine. 

 

Phil continued to narrate everything as they walked - telling him what breed the dog was who was barking at them from behind a fence as they passed - describing the exact shade of light blue that Dan’s house was from the outside, and giving Dan day-to-day updates on the shade of the grass. Some lots were green, but some were already browning as they dried up for Autumn, and Dan hummed as he conjured up the best mental image he could of the world around him.

 

Overall, Dan was happy.

 

That might sound like a minor thing - a normal emotion that normal people feel on normal days. 

 

Well, it was certainly not normal for Dan.

 

Sure he’d had  _ moments _ of happiness in the past four years, but this Friday night when he settled down in his bed, Phil next to him as he read Dan a book before what was going to be their first sleepover, Dan realized. He was happy. And not just for a moment - not just about one specific thing. He was just happy. It was his state of being, and for Dan… well, it’d been four years since the last time he just  _ was _ happy.

 

This realization pulled him up short and Dan sat up, tapping Phil’s leg and whispering, “Wait”. 

 

Phil paused and Dan felt his breath lightly fanning across Dan’s cheek, telling him that he was looking at Dan.

 

“I…” Dan started, turning to face where he felt Phil was, trying to formulate his thoughts. 

 

“Thank you.” he decided on, biting his lip.

 

“For what?” Phil asked, and Dan shrugged, letting out a breathy laugh.

 

“Everything. Honestly. It’s… it’s been awhile since I’ve been happy. This past week… Just… things have been different, and it’s because of you. I mean… coming here you could have done anything. Could have been friends with anyone. You didn’t have to choose the one weird nerdy blind kid… but selfishly I’m glad you did. So thank you.” Dan spoke, feeling a flush come to his cheeks as his confidence wavered, but he held his ground and smiled nervously towards Phil, the moments of silence after his speech feeling like hours.

 

“Dan… of course. I should be the one thanking you… When I came here I had this… this  _ idea _ of how things were going to be and who I needed to be… and it wasn’t myself. I was going to try to be someone completely different, but you helped remind me of who I am and what really matters to me. So thank  _ you _ , Dan.” 

 

Dan blushed once more, and he reached up carefully. Dan usually wasn’t one to initiate hugs - you don’t think about it when you have vision, but they can get very awkward when you’re blind - people accidentally both tilting their heads the same direction and BAM! Face-smash. So carefully, slowly, Dan reached up and found Phil’s neck and then cheeks. He cupped them and leaned in, gently leading Phil’s head to his left as Dan leaned to the right, then bringing his arms down to wrap around Phil’s neck as his friend hugged his waist. 

 

He heard and felt Phil’s light and breathy laugh as they hugged and pulled back, frowning.

 

“What’s so funny?” Dan asked, a small and curious smile tickling his own lips.

 

“Just… you.”

 

“What about me?” he demanded, the smile growing.

 

“You’re just…”

 

“What?”

 

“Adorable.” Phil finally landed on, and Dan’s neck and cheeks flamed. 

 

“Oh.” Was all he could think to say, unable to fight the smile that tugged at the corners of his lips as he looked down towards his hands, trying to hide his blushing smile as much as possible. “Thanks.”

 

Phil luckily didn’t comment on this at all, though Dan was sure it wasn’t because he’d actually hidden it well. His friend simply went back to reading and Dan leaned back against his headboard, allowing himself to relax and close his eyes, listening to the sound of Phil’s voice.

 

Eventually Dan was beginning to nod off so he sat up and stopped Phil, yawning. “Alright, let’s go brush teeth.” he mumbled and shoved Phil impatiently as his friend laughed and got off the bed, making it so Dan could get off too. They made their way to the bathroom, Phil carrying his toothbrush he’d brought with, and they brushed their teeth together. 

 

Dan was careful when he spit not to get it on the faucet - it was something that happened often when he was moving quickly, and he was in the habit of just rinsing off the faucet each time he brushed his teeth. It felt embarrassing to do with company, though, so he intentionally found the right spacing carefully and precisely to avoid such a mishap. 

 

Apparently, though, even the most careful consideration towards his tooth-brushing etiquette wasn’t enough, when he finally rinsed off the toothbrush and put it back, and suddenly he felt a thumb on his lower lip.

 

“Sorry. You had some toothpaste.”

 

“Oh.” Dan giggled in surprise and embarrassment. “Thanks.”

 

The two friends made their way back into the room and Dan laughed a little when he heard Phil flip the lightswitch on. 

 

“The light is probably happy you’re here.” Dan giggled as he crawled into bed. “That thing never gets turned on.”

 

“Well it’s a good thing I’m here to show it how to have a good time.” Phil said in a strangely raspy voice, and Dan raised his eyebrows in confusion. “You know… to turn it on?” Phil explained and Dan laughed, shaking his head as Phil turned it back off and crawled into bed beside him. 

 

“That was a horrible joke.”

 

“You’re a horrible joke.”

 

“Your mum’s a horrible joke!”

 

“Hey!” Phil protested, pushing Dan lightly and Dan giggled, holding his hands up in self-defense. 

 

“Hey don’t push the blind kid!” Dan laughed, then squeaked when he felt fingers tickling his ribs, squirming about in the bed as he tried to get away from his invisible attacker.

 

“I thought you said you didn’t want me to treat you any differently!” Phil laughed and Dan yelped, trying to grab Phil’s wrists to keep his fingers at bay, finally managing it and panting, enjoying his small respite.

 

“Fair. But also. Not at all.” Dan breathed and his eyes widened as Phil’s responding chuckle sent warm air cascading over Dan’s face. He must just be inches away. Dan blushed, and honestly when  _ wasn’t _ Dan blushing, smiling as he brought his chin to his chest, gently letting go of Phil’s wrists. 

 

“Alright. Well I’m trying to get some sleep, so no tickling, okay?” Dan asked, trying to quiet the beating of his heart at each warm breath he felt tickling his face.

 

“Okay. Goodnight, Dan.” Phil whispered and Dan smiled, shutting his eyes and evening out his breathing.

 

He didn’t try to sleep, though. Honestly he wasn’t even tired, and after what he guessed was about forty five minutes of listening to Phil’s breath even out and slow down, his friend sighed and rolled in his sleep, an arm coming up to rest on Dan’s back, pulling him against Phil. Dan drew in a quick breath and froze, feeling Phil’s face pressed into his hair and then let out his breath, trying to relax. 

 

It took him awhile to manage to truly relax, but the moment he did he was out like a light.


	7. Chapter 7

Phil woke up slowly, pulling the warm thing he was wrapped around closer and burying his face in its hair, inhaling deeply. A moment later, though, his eyes popped open, realizing this thing he was cuddling up to was Dan. 

 

Slowly Phil detangled himself, cheeks blazing. He pulled away until he was finally detached, and his heart honestly panged when he looked over to see Dan whimper in his sleep and frown, curling around the empty space where Phil just was.

 

Sighing and allowing himself one moment to stare at Dan, Phil bit his lip. He was truly walking a dangerous path, narrowing and narrowing until soon it’d be only a tightrope. 

 

See, Phil had known for a long time that he was attracted to boys the way he was expected to be attracted to girls. He’d accepted it about himself, though he wasn’t quite ready to tell others yet. So the idea of liking a boy wasn’t foreign to him, but in practice it was entirely new and terrifying.

 

Sure, Phil had had crushes in his past, but he’d never even talked to them, much less gotten close with and cuddled. Up until this week Phil hadn’t even ever held a boy’s hand, and now here he was. Here he was in an adorable boy’s bed, heart thumping after a night of sleepy cuddles, and there was no denying it anymore.

 

He had a crush on the adorable, dorky, nerdy boy who was lighting up Phil’s life. 

 

Phil groaned into the pillow underneath him. Shit. He was  _ not _ supposed to get a crush on Dan. Hell, he still didn’t even know if Dan was straight or not. But at this point there was no turning back so Phil just sighed, averting his gaze quickly when Dan hummed and lifted his hands to rub his eyes, blinking awake. He realized immediately after that of course Dan wouldn’t catch him staring - he wouldn’t be able to see, but still Phil felt guilty and intrusive.

 

There was a bit of a silence after Dan removed his hands from his eyes and Phil flicked his gaze up, frowning when he saw a flash of sadness cross Dan’s features.

 

“Hey.” the brunette spoke, his voice raspy.

 

“Hey. How’d you know I was awake?”

 

“Your breathing.”

 

“Oh. Just can’t get anything past you, can I?”

 

“Nope.” Dan agreed with a smile, rolling from his side to his back as his eyes gazed blankly at the ceiling. 

 

“So what do you want to do today?” Phil asked eventually and Dan sighed, a small chuckle escaping his lips.

 

“Can we just stay in bed all day?”

 

“I mean… if that’s what you want, I wouldn’t be opposed.” Phil grinned, something about the idea of he and Dan spending the day in bed together just feeling so domestic and sweet that he couldn’t help but be tempted by the thought.

 

Dan smiled for a while but then groaned, rolling back over onto his stomach, the spin making it so his side pressed against Phil’s as Dan grumbled into the pillow. “Ugh, we should get up and do something, though… as much as I’d love to stay here… we should go out.”

 

“Well what do you want to go out and do?” Phil asked, smiling at the boy right next to him, their shoulders bumping back and forth.

 

“I think we should go to a museum.” Dan mumbled and Phil raised his eyebrows, chuckling.

 

“Oh, yeah? Think you’d really enjoy all the art exhibits?”

 

“It’d be riveting.” Dan agreed and Phil laughed, shaking his head. “Actually, I’ve been thinking about going into a career as an art critic. I just think it’s my calling.”

 

Both boys broke into hysterics at this, giggling as they pressed against each other, bodies shaking from their laughter. 

 

Finally they calmed down and Dan pushed himself up to sit, still chuckling breathily. 

 

“Ow!” Dan exclaimed, raising a hand to his side as he sat up, frowning.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“Oh nothing, just slept funny I think. My back hurts.”

 

“Well, we could always just go get massages today.” Phil chuckled, then quieted when he saw Dan’s eyes widen. “That was a joke, Dan.”

 

“No oh my goodness, Phil let’s go get massages!”

 

“What?” Phil squeaked in disbelief.

 

“Let’s get massages! I don’t need to be able to see, and we can just relax and feel like we’re in bed all day, but be able to say we actually went out and did something this weekend!”

 

“Dan…” Phil started, but Dan’s mind was set on it. 

 

“Phil pleaseeeeee?” Dan begged and Phil caved, chuckling as he pushed himself up to sit as well.

 

“Alright, fine. But don’t you go blaming me when your masseuse goes in for a cheeky squeeze.” Phil warned and Dan laughed, shrugging.

 

“Maybe that’s why I want to go.” Dan said with a wink, and it was a bit disconcerting to have someone wink at you who you knew couldn’t see, but Phil blushed all the same.

 

“Shut up.” Phil chuckled and then he was getting out of the bed and holding out his hand to help Dan off too. Dan took his hand and hopped off, tumbling a bit into Phil who caught him, wrapping his arms around the younger boy for a moment before stepping back with an awkward laugh, letting go of Dan’s hand. 

 

The boys made their way out to the kitchen where they ate cereal and Dan kept throwing dry pieces at Phil and trying to get him to catch them in his mouth. Honestly, it wasn’t even because of Dan’s blindness that they failed - he was actually pretty good at guessing where to aim. It was Phil’s clumsiness and inexplicable fear of one of the cereal pieces hitting him in the eye that kept any from going in his mouth, but that didn’t keep both boys from falling into giggles around the table. 

 

Eventually Dan’s mum came out and greeted them, and when Dan told her the massage idea she lit up and hurried away, returning soon with money in hand. She gave them the money - despite their protests - encouraging them to go have a nice day and get the massages and maybe even go out to eat if there was some money left over. Phil was pretty sure there would be.

 

Phil opened his car door for Dan and then got in and the two of them began driving, Phil’s GPS taking them to a nearby spa he’d found. When they arrived he pulled into the parking lot and raced around the car, opening the door for Dan and helping him out.

 

“Hey, treating me like a normal person, right?” Dan asked skeptically and Phil blushed.

 

“I am! I just… I wanted to be chivalrous.”

 

“Oh, Phil! My knight in shining armor!” Dan teased and Phil rolled his eyes, gently shoving Dan but catching him and pulling him back against Phil’s side immediately, giving him a little squeeze before releasing. 

 

They walked into the spa and Phil talked to the lady at the front desk, choosing their package for the day, and soon they were being led into a sweet and clean smelling room. Phil kept his arm around Dan’s waist to lead him, and the woman from the desk showed them to a large private room with a hot tub, a steam room, and a sauna they’d have access to. There were robes hanging from hooks on the wall, and slippers below them. They had an hour before their massages, and the woman left, promising she’d be back to get them in an hour.

 

Phil blushed when he realized they were meant to be changing into the robes now - not seeing any separate room. Not like Dan would see him, or like he’d look at Dan… but he still felt nervous. 

 

“I don’t know about you, but I’m going in the hot tub.” Dan announced with a smile, and Phil couldn’t help but laugh at how into all this Dan was. He led the brunette over to the tub so Dan could feel where it was, and led Dan’s hands to where a part of the hot tub had a step down. Dan thanked him and then stood up, biting his lip and blushing.

 

“Uh… so should we just… um…” Dan started and Phil blushed as well, shuffling on his feet. “I mean… I can’t see anything, so if you just promise to turn around…”

 

“Right.” Phil agreed, turning his back to Dan immediately. He heard the rustle of clothes being shucked off, and then heard Dan tentatively slipping into the tub. 

 

Phil knew it was wrong - he knew he shouldn’t - but he also knew that Dan was blind and the fear of him slipping and hitting his head was too much for Phil, so he turned quietly and watched as Dan carefully got into the tub, feeling around before moving, until he finally made his way all the way in and found a seat. 

 

And if Phil had noticed the smooth curve of Dan’s backside or the blush running from his chest up his neck, he certainly wasn’t about to say it.

 

“Alright, I’m in.” Dan spoke and Phil took off his own clothes. Dan’s gaze was pointing towards Phil as he undressed and there was something disconcerting about it. Even though he knew Dan couldn’t see, he could  _ swear _ the younger boy was staring right as his crotch as he slipped his boxers off and climbed into the hot tub, relaxing in the heat and leaning back, still a bit shaken by Dan’s intent gaze.

 

When Dan looked up to his face and started giggling, though, Phil realized.

 

“Hey!” he scolded, splashing Dan lightly. “That was mean!”

 

“So I looked in the right spot?” Dan asked, a blush on his cheeks, but his lips tugged in an arrogant grin. 

 

“I swear for a second I thought you’d been lying this whole time and you really could see.”

 

“I wish.” Dan mused and Phil blushed. Dan hadn’t said it in a sad way - reminiscing about the time when he could see. He’d said it in a suggestive manner, as if all he wished was that he really  _ could _ have seen Phil undress. The thought made Phil squirm a bit, as he tried his hardest to keep staring at Dan’s face above the water, and not let his gaze drop to his collarbones, his nipples right at the line of the water, or the not-quite-clear but still visible body underneath the water, being moved around and obstructed by the movement of the surface, but still right there. 

 

Phil gulped, realizing that in his thought to not look there, he’d been staring and he brought his gaze back up to Dan’s, blushing furiously.

 

Thank god Dan couldn’t see him, because one look at him now, and anybody would know just how screwed Phil already was.


	8. Chapter 8

Dan bit his lip as he felt Phil’s foot bump his calf under the water. God, what he’d do to be able to see right then.

 

It may be even more exciting… even dangerous to not be able to see, though, just  _ knowing _ that he was naked, and Phil was naked just feet away, and he could be looking and Dan wouldn’t even know.

 

Something about that made Dan’s heart beat just a bit faster, and he tried to breathe slowly to even it out, relaxing into the warm water.

 

Today was going to be fun. It had been already, but Dan couldn’t wait for what’s to come. 

 

Ever since going blind, getting massages had been a guilty pleasure of Dan’s. Before the accident he’d thought massages were weird, and he could never really relax.

 

Now there was something about them that worked every bit of tension out of him. Dan went to great lengths in his life to not rely on people for things - to not ask for help, so getting a massage felt like a massive indulgence where he’d just lay back and let someone take care of him.

 

It felt especially important now, with the stress surrounding Bailey.

 

Bailey had gone through surgery and they’d said she’d be back in just a few days, but it’d been a week now, and she still wasn’t home. Bailey was Dan’s right hand, she held more of his trust than anyone else in the world. Being without her felt like being without his ears… just missing yet another one of those vital senses. 

 

Phil had been a heavenly distraction just at the right time - Dan had been able to remain upbeat and positive and he was able to forget his worries generally, but there was still a bit of fear in the back of his mind. He’d called the night before and they’d assured him that she was fine and would be out soon, but Dan sometimes had irrational fears, and until he was holding her in his arms he wouldn’t trust them completely. 

 

Dan also really wanted to introduce Phil to Bailey. More and more every day Dan was digging himself deeper into the friendship pit with Phil. He’d made up the analogy to his mum years ago of friendship being like a pit, and it had sort of stuck. After his accident, his mum would suggest he made friends, and one day he got fed up.

 

“It’s like a pit.” he’d explained finally. “Every time you allow yourself to see them as your friend, you dig yourself a little deeper. They’re this wonderful angel with wings deep under the earth so you dig and dig to get close to them, but once you reach them they realize you’re not who they wanted, and they fly out of the hole and you’re left with no way out. Just an empty hole and dirt falling in on you.”

 

Dan was afraid of this. God, he stressed about it every night, but something about being with Phil just made him forget his worries. 

 

He had a crush.

 

There, he said it. 

 

It was terrifying and exhilarating and all together overwhelming, but Dan had a crush.

 

Dan hadn’t let himself have a crush since before his accident. Way back then he’d been young, and never even had his first kiss. After his accident Dan didn’t allow himself to be close to people. He didn’t allow himself to think of people romantically at all.

 

Which is why when it hit him that he was crushing on Phil, Dan’s entire world flipped.

 

He didn’t know he liked boys like that.

 

Then again, he didn’t necessarily think he  _ didn’t _ like boys like that… he supposed he just hadn’t given it much thought. He’d been in the habit of telling himself he didn’t like  _ anyone _ like that.

 

Now, though, he knew that he did. Because he certainly liked Phil. From his voice to his smell to the way he now automatically reached out and put his hand gently on the small of Dan’s back to lead him when they were in an unfamiliar place, Dan was falling for Phil. From the way that he explained what things looked like without Dan asking to the way he’d laugh at Dan’s jokes about his disability instead of taking everything too seriously and bringing down the mood, Dan was falling for Phil. From the little squeaky laugh Phil would do when he was surprised to the slightly cool temperature of his long, soft fingers as they laced through Dan’s, Dan was falling for Phil.

 

And now Phil’s foot was bouncing against his and suddenly he realized it was on purpose and grinned, kicking back lightly. Their feet and legs tangled and pushed at each other from across the tub, the water splashing as they giggled, warm limbs bumping into each other. When Dan suddenly got hit with a splash of water he glared in Phil’s direction, an evil smile on his face, and then pushed a huge wave of water, relishing in the little yelp he heard.

 

“Gotcha!” Dan laughed and Phil giggled too as they both caught their breaths and calmed down.

 

“Alright, how does the sauna sound?” Phil asked and Dan nodded, getting to his feet carefully with his hands gripping the edge of the tub. He got himself out and then froze, realizing his mistake. 

 

“Uh… Phil… please don’t look at me… but I don’t know where the towels are, could you throw me one?”

 

“Oh! Yeah, of course.” Phil responded and Dan brought his hands down over his crotch in embarrassment. It was the epitome of vulnerability, being naked with your crush and not even knowing if they were looking. Honestly… Dan didn’t even know if he wanted Phil to look or not. Part of him wanted Phil to disobey his request, but most of him was terrified of that idea. 

 

A moment later Phil called a warning and then Dan was hit with a soft towel, drying off quickly and then wrapping it around his waist. “And um… could you grab my robe?” 

 

Phil agreed and then he was handing Dan his robe and their warm fingers brushed making Dan’s cheeks flare. For all he knew Phil could still be naked, right in front of him,  _ touching _ him, and he wouldn’t even know. 

 

Dan quickly turned and let go of his towel, wrapping his robe around him and feeling for the tie, securing it around his waist before turning back to Phil. 

 

He tried to fight the blush from his cheeks as Phil’s arm snaked around his waist and he allowed himself to be led into a warm room - the sauna.

 

“Alright, so here’s the bench.” Phil informed him, leading him up as he put his hands out and felt the hot wood under his fingers, climbing onto the bench and leaning against the wood behind him, sighing. Soon Phil was next to him, their arms pressing together from how close they were. Dan couldn’t see to know if the bench was too small for them to fit without squishing… but he hoped that it wasn’t. He hoped there was plenty of room, and Phil was  _ choosing _ to sit this close.

 

They lay there in silence for several moments, and Dan stiffened when he felt Phil’s head come down and lean on his shoulder. He took a few deep breaths, fighting the blush - and losing - as it rose up his chest and neck, invading his cheeks as his heart sped up. He couldn’t hide the grin on his face as it broke out and he rested his head atop Phil’s, biting his lip.

 

This was dangerous.

  
This was beyond dangerous. This was idiotic. In no universe was Phil Lester going to want to date Dan Howell, the blind kid. Honestly Dan knew he needed to pull back - to put space between them and get to work on shoving his crush down into nonexistence, but Dan’s willpower had never been the strongest. With Phil’s head on his shoulder, Dan’s face pressed into his warm and wet hair, Dan knew that today would not be the day for pulling back. Instead he wrapped his arm around Phil and pulled him closer, positively beaming into his hair.

 

So what if he’d have to suffer the consequences later? That was future Dan’s problem. There was no way he was going to let that ruin this. He hadn’t been this happy in… well… he didn’t even know how long.

 

They stayed in the room for a long time, the heat making them sweat but dry off all at once, and Dan kept Phil in his arms the whole time. When the woman finally knocked on the sauna door it was tentative - as if she feared she was interrupting something. Dan sighed and gently pushed Phil up, who grumbled in response. Dan rolled his eyes but couldn’t keep from smiling as he stood with Phil and felt an arm around his waist, leaning into Phil and trusting him to lead Dan where he needed to go.

 

They made their way to another room and Phil helped Dan onto the massage table. They were told to disrobe and Dan did, feeling exposed with his entire backside open to the air, but he pushed away his insecurities and just hoped no one was staring.

 

Two women came in and began massaging them, and Dan closed his eyes, relaxing entirely into the loosening of his muscles. It felt heavenly and he couldn’t even guess at how long it lasted, because it all felt like some surreal dream and then it was over and he was being helped up and putting his robe back on, making his way back to their room with Phil’s arm - as always - secured tightly around his waist.

 

When they returned to the room, Dan sighed. He didn’t want to leave quite yet. “Steam room?” he asked, and he smiled when Phil chuckled back.

 

“Sure, Dan.” 

 

Dan jumped up and down in excitement and then allowed himself to be led into the room. He sat down on damp tile with Phil’s direction, Phil sliding in next to him.

 

They sat there for a while, and eventually Dan’s robe was feeling heavy and uncomfortable - weighed down by all the humidity.

 

“Um… Dan?” Phil broke the silence, his voice sounding strained. “Do you think we should just take these off?”

 

Dan sighed in relief and nodded vigorously. Honestly, Phil had probably seen it all by now anyways. And he was far too uncomfortable to care too much about modesty. 

 

Moments later their robes were off and he breathed in deep when the cool air was let in by Phil throwing them out, closing the door soon after. 

 

Dan jumped a bit when he felt Phil re-assume his previous position. Sure, it’d been fine for their sides to be pressed together in their robes… but now they were both completely naked, and Dan felt Phil’s skin against his shoulder, his arm, his hip, his thigh, his calf and foot. His entire right side was lit up like a Christmas tree, and Dan shivered even though he was in a room full of hot steam. 

 

If Phil noticed he didn’t make it known, and Dan bit his lip, holding back as much of a blush as he could, and just hoping that the steam from the room was thick enough to hide his blush as well as his modesty. Not that he thought Phil was looking… but to be honest he wasn’t entirely sure.

 

They sat and breathed deeply, and Dan was beginning to feel a bit lightheaded from all the steam. 

 

“I need air.” Dan gasped finally, standing up. He stood up too fast, though, not thinking about the fact that the floor was slippery tile, moist from all the water in the air, and suddenly he was flying forward and he didn’t know to where. 

 

Dan threw his arms out to try to break his fall and sucked in a breath, bracing for impact, but it never came.

 

Instead, Dan felt arms wrap around his naked stomach and pull him back to a figure standing behind him now, pulling him flush up against it.

 

He gasped, feeling  _ all _ of Phil pressed against his back, his legs, his bum… Half his mind was whirring with panic about Phil, but the other half outweighed that panic with the panic of needing to breath. 

 

Phil didn’t seem about to let him go, though, so Dan just whimpered and soon Phil was reaching around him and pushing the door open and Dan bent over, gasping in the cool, fresh air wafting in and filling his lungs. He breathed heavily for a few moments before standing up and relaxing back, his mind fuzzy as he reached up to hug the arms around him, resting his head back against Phil’s shoulder.

 

“Thanks.” he murmured, and he was still lightheaded and things were fuzzy, but he could breathe now and he was warm and secure, and Phil had him, so everything was going to be okay. 

 

The hardening against Dan’s backside immediately pulled him out of his haze, eyes shooting wide. 

  
Everything was certainly  _ not _ okay.


	9. Chapter 9

Phil was a mess.

 

The entire day had been overwhelming - from seeing Dan naked for the first time as he climbed into the tub, to cuddling in the sauna, to sneaking a peek of Dan during the massage, and then sitting pressed up against each other, naked in the steam room, Phil’s brain was short circuiting.

 

It was this, combined with his lightheadedness from the steam, that led him to jolt forward without thinking as Dan began to slip, wrapping his arms around Dan’s waist and pulling him back against Phil.

 

At first Dan just reached out weakly from the door, slumped in Phil’s arms. He would have fallen to the ground if it weren’t for Phil keeping him up, so the older boy reached around him to swing the door open, letting in some much-needed fresh air.

 

This air soothed everything in Phil and he relaxed as Dan leaned back against him, bringing his arms up to cradle Phil’s as he squeezed him tight. 

 

That squeeze was Phil’s biggest mistake, though, as suddenly his body became aware of pressing into Dan’s soft backside, and one moment he had been calm and relaxed, and then next he was panicking as he hardened, pressed into Dan’s cheek. 

 

Phil let go of Dan and stepped away quickly, cheeks blazing.

 

Dan wrapped his arms around himself as he stood, naked and unable to see. 

 

“Um…” Phil started, before darting out of the room to grab their disgustingly moist robes, returning and handing one to Dan. “Sorry.” he mumbled and Dan’s cheeks flamed as he quickly put the robe on. 

 

Phil’s arousal, thankfully, was gone as quick as it had arrived, and he led Dan out of the steam room, shutting the door behind him. 

 

They got dressed quietly, Phil handing Dan the clothes he needed, then turning his back so he wasn’t looking at Dan. He felt awful - as if he’d taken advantage of the boy.

 

Maybe in some way he had. He  _ had _ been peeking every now and again throughout the day at Dan, and that certainly wasn’t fair. He had tried not to… he really had… but he had found himself looking now and again, and to do that without Dan having any way of knowing wasn’t fair. 

 

God, why had Phil allowed himself to indulge in this crush? He needed to shove it down. Shove it away. It wasn’t as if Dan would ever like him…. He was Dan.

 

He was gorgeous and sweet and brilliant, and he was so incredibly strong. He was everything, and Phil was just… well, he was just Phil. Dan wouldn’t ever want to date him, even  _ if _ he were interested in guys.

 

Phil’s cheeks blazed as he pulled on his jeans followed by his tshirt, straightening out his soaked hair as best he could. 

 

“Uh… you ready to go?” he asked eventually and Dan nodded, still blushing as he played with his fingertips. 

 

Phil hesitantly walked forward and wrapped his hand around Dan’s waist, guiding him out. They checked out at reception, thanking the woman, and then Phil was opening the door of his car to help Dan in, then getting in his own side.

 

Once they were inside the car, Phil didn’t start it at first, just staring forward.

 

“I’m sorry.” he finally broke the silence, biting his lip. “I didn’t mean to…”

 

“It’s alright.” Dan responded quickly. “We can just forget it.”

 

“Alright… thanks.”

 

“Yeah…” More silence stretched out as they sat there, the engine not started.

 

“So um… we do have money left over… do you want to go get food?” Phil asked, wondering if that was even allowed or if he were expected to just drop Dan off and never speak to him again.

 

“Yeah… yeah, food sounds good.” Dan agreed and Phil felt a whoosh of relief leave him in the form of a breath, smiling. 

 

“Alright. What kind of food?”

 

They settled eventually on pizza, and soon they were sitting in a little booth of a pizzeria and Phil was explaining everything around them in detail and Dan was listening intently, and all thoughts of the Incident were pushed from their minds as they got back to laughing and talking like normal. 

 

“She actually has a beehive?” Dan laughed in disbelief and Phil giggled, trying to speak quietly through his laughter so the extravagant woman a few tables away wouldn’t hear.

 

“Yeah! I swear it’s like a foot tall!”

 

“I thought those stopped being a thing in like… the seventies!”

 

“Well she’s bringing them back!” both boys erupted into laughter and then their pizza was there and Phil was putting a slice on a plate for Dan who complained that he was babying him, and Phil once again used the excuse of chivalry.

 

“Phil I’m not some debutant in the 1800s who you’re courting.” Dan said with a roll of his eyes, and Phil raised his eyebrows.

 

“Are you sure about that?” Phil challenged and Dan flushed. Shit, should he not have said that? He’d just insinuated that he was trying to court Dan… fuck.

 

“Yeah, no, I’m much more of a 1920s girl myself. Gotta get that jazz in there.” Dan spoke after a moment and Phil relaxed, laughing as Dan went along with his joke.

 

“Alright, I’ll just get you a flapper dress and we’ll be set.”

 

“I expect it with roses on my doorstep at seven tonight. And then a ride in a horsedrawn carriage and a walk through the gardens.”

 

“Nothing less for the damsel. And you’ll only get a peck on the cheek - gotta save that other stuff for marriage.”

 

“Such a gentleman.” Dan fake-swooned, taking a bite of pizza.

 

“I try.” 

 

Conversation continued like this, light and easy, but with an edge of playfulness. When they finished Phil paid, and got up. He took Dan’s hand, helping him to his feet and then wrapping an arm around him to lead him from the restaurant. 

 

When they got outside, instead of going to the parking lot, Phil turned down the pavement and began walking, Dan in his grasp. After a few moments Dan frowned, turning his head toward Phil.

 

“We’re not going back to the car, are we?”

 

“You were promised a walk in the gardens.” Phil said with a smile, and when Dan blushed he just squeezed him to his side before continuing to walk. You see, as much as Phil knew in theory that he shouldn’t be entertaining this crush, it was much harder to remember that in practice. Something about Dan just made Phil not care about the consequences, and that is what led him to taking Dan into a park he knew was nearby, walking lazily down the path. 

 

“It smells nice here.” Dan observed after a moment and Phil smiled, inhaling deeply and noticing that, yes, it did smell faintly of flowers here. 

 

They walked and talked, and Phil couldn’t stop giggling. He felt like he was on clouds and Dan was the only thing tying him to earth. 

 

That is, until a loud sneering voice snapped him back into reality.

 

“Aww look at the lovebirds. Looks like blindy found a new seeing eye dog!”

 

Phil felt Dan tense beside him, and his head whipped around, stomach sinking as he saw Harry, the school bully, walking towards them with a few friends on his heels. 


	10. Chapter 10

Dan froze. 

 

Everything had been good. Things had been better than good - after the awkward moment in the steam room, they were able to put it behind them, and the last hour or so had been filled with pizza and Phil and banter that edged on flirting. Overall Dan was feeling calm and happy and they were walking through a park… and then Harry had to find them. Of course.

 

Dan had told Phil about Harry, but Phil still had yet to encounter him. Well… he supposed that was happening right now. 

 

“Harry… leave us alone.” Dan grumbled as he and Phil turned, Phil unwrapping his arm from Dan’s waist, but keeping his hand lightly on the small of Dan’s back so he knew where his friend was. 

 

“Oh, now the lovebirds want their alone time.” Harry taunted, and Dan could feel Phil stiffen beside him.

 

“We’re not together, Harry, we’re just walking.”

 

“We’re not together, Harry.” the bully mimicked in a high-pitched tone. “You two sure look pretty chummy to me.”

 

“He’s blind!” Phil exclaimed, and Dan flinched. “What do you expect me to do?” 

 

He knew Phil was just trying to get Harry off their backs, but Phil’s words stung, and Dan stepped away from him slightly, Phil’s hand coming off his back. Dan had his cane. He didn’t  _ need _ Phil to lead him around. He didn’t  _ need _ anyone. Phil walked with his arm around Dan because he wanted to, and Dan couldn’t help but bristle at his insinuation of Dan being helpless.

 

“Fucking leave the freak alone like the rest of us, that’s what we’d expect. But no… you’re just as big of a freak, aren’t you? Who else would have a gay crush on a blind kid?” 

 

“Shut the fuck up!” Phil shouted, and Dan flinched. “I’m not gay!” Phil continued, only driving the point farther home, and suddenly Dan was crying and he couldn’t stop. 

 

“Aww, blindey got his feelings hurt!” Henry jeered as Dan turned on his heels and began stumbling away. He wanted to run - wanted to get away from them as fast as he could - but he didn’t know this park and he’d left his cane in Phil’s car, having felt confident that he’d have the older boy to lead him. 

 

So Dan couldn’t run, and he couldn’t help it when Phil caught up to him and tried to put his arm around Dan’s shoulder. He jerked away, tripping over a rock but catching himself. 

 

“Don’t.” he choked out, body shaking with sobs, and he didn’t even know where they’d come from, but they weren’t stopping.

 

“Oooooh, lover’s quarrel!” one of Henry’s friends cooed, and Dan glared over in their direction. He heard them laughing, but luckily they seemed to be walking away, content with the destruction they’d caused today.

 

“Dan-” Phil started, once again trying to put a hand on Dan’s shoulder, but Dan jerked away once more, putting a hand up between him and Phil.

 

“Leave me alone!” Dan sobbed, collapsing to the ground. Because what else could he do? He had no idea where he was or what was around him - trying to keep walking would surely end in injury. So Dan sunk to the grass, wadding it up between his fists and tearing it from the ground.

 

“Dan… I can’t leave you alone.” Phil spoke softly, and he’d sat down too, his voice close and gentle. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry if I said something wrong. But Dan… I can’t leave you alone here, and you know that.”

 

The fact that he understood Phil only made this ten times worse, and Dan clutched his knees to his chest, rocking back and forth. He felt so helpless. So alone. So lost…

 

“Dan… please talk to me. What happened? What can I do?” Phil asked, and the pain in his voice broke Dan even farther until he was shooting himself towards Phil’s voice and into his arms, and they were hugging, Phil’s arms coming around Dan protectively as the blind boy sobbed into Phil’s shirt, sprawled across his lap.

 

“I want to see.” he whimpered, quiet enough that he wasn’t even sure Phil could hear him.

 

“Oh, Dan…” Phil whispered, and then Dan was being pulled up farther and Phil was hugging him closer, petting the back of his head and neck slowly. “I’m so sorry.”

 

“I can’t see a - anything, Phil. It’s a - all just black. I wann - wanna be able to d - do things, but I c - can’t. I’m s - so f - f - fucking useless.” Dan sobbed, his body constricting on itself.

 

“Dan you’re not useless.” Phil whispered, his hand now petting Dan’s hair and tangling in it. 

 

“I - I can’t even be le - left alone be - because I can’t ge - get out by myself. I’m s - so fuck - fucking reliant o - on other people, I’m helpless.” 

 

“Dan.” Phil spoke, his voice stronger now as he pulled away slightly and propped Dan up to a sitting position. Suddenly Dan felt soft hands come cup his cheeks as Phil’s thumbs brushed the tears from Dan’s face, Dan sniffling and trying to regain some sort of composure. 

 

“Dan, you’re incredible. You’re so strong - you’re the strongest person I’ve ever met.”

 

It went silent for a while, the only sound being Dan’s sniffles as he took deep breaths and tried to calm down. 

 

“I want to know what you look like.” Dan whispered finally, his body hunched in defeat. “But I’ll never know.”

 

“Here.” Phil spoke, and Dan felt Phil’s hands leave his face and move to his hands, guiding them up to Phil’s face. 

 

Dan’s eyes widened as Phil let go and he slowly felt Phil’s features. He had a long and sharp nose that Dan worked over slowly, harsh cheekbones and a pointed chin. His hair was soft and his eyebrows were fine. Dan breathed deeply as he took all this in, adding it to the descriptions Phil had given him of himself, trying to put together a full picture. 

 

When Dan reached Phil’s lips, his fingers brushed over them and then pulled gently down on Phil’s lower lip, letting it snap back. Phil’s lips were full, a sharp cupid’s bow forming a heart at the top of his lip. 

 

“Better?” Phil asked finally and Dan nodded as he looked down, letting out a breathy laugh.

 

“Yeah… yeah, thank you. I’m sorry… I don’t usually break down about this stuff…”

 

“Dan… it’s okay. You’re so strong - you’re allowed to have moments where you can be vulnerable. You can always talk to me.”

 

“Thank you.” Dan whispered, a small smile tickling his lips.

 

“Dan… what did I say? That made you so upset.” Phil spoke finally and Dan froze, biting his lip.

 

“You… uh… well at first you made it sound like I needed you… which I mean… I do… but not in the way you made it seem.” Dan mumbled, a blush rising to his cheeks. “And then uh… I dunno.” he stammered, unable to explain why Phil saying he wasn’t gay had hurt so badly. Especially to hear in that context. If he’d heard it some other time, Dan would have been able to be fine with it and get over him, but for some reason hearing Phil argue that he didn’t like Dan because he was straight to  _ Harry  _ of all people, had just sent Dan over the edge.

 

“Dan… was it…” Phil whispered, and Dan blushed harder, not wanting to answer. 

 

He was about to open his mouth to brush it off and try to change the subject, when suddenly he felt warm lips against his, his eyes shooting open and then shut. 

 

The lips were gone almost as soon as they’d arrived, and Dan was left reeling from the shock.

 

“I’m sorry. God, I’m so sorry. You didn’t even see me… I should have asked you… you didn’t have a chance to say no…” Phil stammered, and Dan reached out, catching his cheeks between his hands. 

 

He didn’t know what was happening, but he slowly got up on his knees and led himself towards Phil’s face, his thumb brushing from Phil’s jaw to his lip to locate it, and then they were each sucking in sharp breaths before Dan connected their lips again, squeezing his eyes shut as they kissed, then pulling away but staying close.

 

“Phil… please tell me what you’re thinking.” Dan begged, feeling lost without being able to see Phil’s face. 

 

“I lied.” Phil spoke immediately, making Dan shift back a bit and pull his hands back to his sides. “I lied.” Phil repeated, his voice coming barely closer. “I’m gay as hell.” 

 

Dan couldn’t help the bark of laughter that erupted from him, Phil laughing as well, and then they were kissing again and smiling into each other’s mouths, and Dan couldn’t help the happy tears that seeped from his eyes and onto his cheeks, Phil brushing them away as they kissed.

 

When they finally pulled apart Phil hugged him close and Dan wrapped his arms around Phil’s waist, clinging on.

 

“Wait… so this means you like me, right?” Dan giggled and Phil laughed, shaking his head into Dan’s. 

 

“Of course I like you, you idiot.”

 

“Good.” Dan smiled, and the two of them just sat there, hugging and exchanging occasional kisses, for what felt like hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No this is not the end xD   
> Btw comments make my LIFE so please leave any thoughts below <3 (positive or otherwise - I appreciate criticism greatly)


	11. Chapter 11

Phil was floating. 

 

He and Dan just laid in the park and hugged and kissed, until finally it was getting near dinnertime and he realized they should get back. 

 

“Hey.” Phil whispered, smiling as Dan reached to feel his lips then leaned in, planting a soft peck there.

 

“Hey.”

 

“We should head back. Dinner’s soon.”

 

“Already?” Dan asked in surprise. “Alright.”

 

Phil stood up and helped Dan to his feet, wrapping his arm around him and smiling as he pulled him close. 

 

They walked back and Phil helped Dan into his car, kissing him on the hand before closing the door behind him, relishing in the blush that painted Dan’s cheeks.

 

“So…” Phil started as they began to drive, smiling over at Dan. “Do I get to call you my boyfriend now?”

 

He couldn’t help but giggle at the deepening blush on Dan’s neck and cheeks as the boy beside him nodded quickly.

 

“Yeah… yeah, if that’s what you want.”

 

“It is.” Phil agreed, smiling wildly. 

 

“So um… do you want to tell people?” Dan asked slowly, and suddenly Phil’s exuberance dropped slightly, realizing exactly what all this meant.

 

“Um…” he started, unsure of how to say this without hurting Dan’s feelings.

 

“I’m okay if you want to wait. We can keep it just for ourselves.” Dan promised, and Phil breathed out a sigh of relief.

 

“Yeah. Yeah, I’d like that I think. My family just… I’m not sure how they’ll take it. And I’m a little worried about telling the school…”

 

“That’s alright.” Dan promised with a smile. “It can just be for us. And maybe if you want to start slow, we can tell my parents sometime. They won’t mind, I promise.”

 

“Alright, yeah… maybe we’ll tell them soon.” Phil agreed, his breathing increasing just at the thought of coming out to anyone. 

 

He relaxed soon, though, when Dan’s hand found his and gave him a small squeeze. He squeezed back, smiling. He had Dan. Whatever happened, he had somehow gotten the strongest, most beautiful, funniest boy to fall for him - he could get through anything if he just remembered that. 

 

When Phil pulled up outside Dan’s house and helped him out of the car, he frowned. Squinting at the window as they walked up… was that a-

 

“BAILEY!” Dan shouted, a huge grin taking over his face as he picked up the pace, dragging Phil along towards the dog who’d started barking behind the window, jumping up against it excitedly. 

 

Phil kept pace with Dan and they opened the door, and then Dan was falling to his knees and hugging the German Shepherd who licked his face, whining excitedly. 

 

Phil smiled and soon Dan was pulling him down beside him, introducing Phil to Bailey.

 

“Hey, Bailey. I’ve heard so much about you.” Phil cooed and Bailey nuzzled him excitedly, tail wagging fast.

 

“She’s still recovering so she shouldn’t go on any runs anytime soon, but she’s back.” Dan’s mum spoke from the doorway and Phil looked up, smiling. She was returning the smile right back at them, and something about the way she smiled at Phil made him feel safe.

 

Eventually they made it inside and Bailey calmed down as they settled on the couch. Phil sat close to Dan, and Bailey sat at their feet, her head resting on the couch as she appreciated the occasional head scratches Dan would give her as they watched a show.

 

After one episode Phil couldn’t help himself - he closed the gap between them entirely, putting his arm around Dan’s shoulder and pressing a kiss to his temple. He giggled when Bailey’s head shot up and she made a low bark.

 

“Bailey, Bailey it’s okay. He’s not trying to hurt me.” Dan laughed and Phil chuckled too, resting his head against Dan’s. 

 

Bailey calmed down and soon Dan’s head was turning and then they were kissing, and Phil still couldn’t believe this was something he got to do now. He’d thought his first kiss wouldn’t happen for years, much less with a boy as amazing as Dan. Now, though, he couldn’t help but feel ecstatic as their lips moved together, soft and gentle as Phil cupped Dan’s cheek lightly.

 

When they finally pulled apart, Phil smiled as he took a moment to just appreciate how beautiful Dan was, his hand still lingering on his boyfriend’s jaw. 

 

A small cough pulled him back, though, and his head whipped around to see Dan’s mum standing in the doorway, a small blush to her cheeks, and a smile on her lips.

 

“Mrs Howell!” Phil exclaimed, pulling away from Dan, his cheeks flushing nearly as dark as Dan’s were. 

 

“I was just going to tell you boys that dinner is almost ready. Now I’ll leave you to get back to…” she winked at Phil who only blushed more, then turned and left.

 

“Oh my god.” Phil spoke, laughing from the sheer horror and embarrassment of the situation.

 

“I’m so sorry!” Dan exclaimed. “You didn’t want to tell them yet and then I kissed you and oh god, I’m so sorry.”

 

“Dan. Dan, it’s okay.” Phil reassured him, realizing he actually really meant it. “She doesn’t seem to mind at all, and I don’t think she’s gonna go telling my parents. It’s kind of nice actually… we’ll be able to just be us when we’re here. I like it.” 

 

“Okay.” Dan agreed after a moment and Phil smiled, bringing Dan in for one more soft kiss. “Alright, let’s go get some food.”

 

He stood up and took Dan’s hand in his, helping him to his feet. When they stood he didn’t let go, and their fingers laced together as Bailey led the way, trotting towards the dining room, two blushy, smiling boys in tow. 


	12. Chapter 12

Dan and Phil had been dating two weeks, and Dan couldn’t be happier.

 

Dinner had gone incredibly well after his mum had caught them kissing. She hadn’t said anything over dinner, and Phil had actually been the one to speak up and tell his dad that they were dating. Dan had reached over and squeezed his hand under the table, and Dan’s parents had been nothing but supportive. 

 

Since then, Phil had stayed over several times. Each day found them flirting and going on adventures, and each night found them curled up in Dan’s bed, kissing sleepily until they finally went to bed, wrapped up in each others’ arms. It was exciting. It was dangerous. It was comforting, and each and every bit of it was new.

 

From the first touch of his lips to another boys’ to the first time Phil’s hands had guided his down to his boyfriend’s crotch, to the first time he’d felt Phil’s long, cool fingers wrap around himself, everything was new and electric. 

 

Phil somehow was able to make everything feel dangerous, but keep Dan feeling safe and cared for. He didn’t know how he did it, but it was lighting up Dan’s life.

 

School was filled with little touches and whispers that Phil knew only Dan would hear. He was glad Phil had picked up on this - his hearing was excellent and he’d always enjoyed eavesdropping on people when they didn’t think anyone could hear. It was almost like a little secret of his. His one advantage that gave him a leg up over others, while so many other things worked against him.

 

Phil had noticed this without Dan even telling him, and now when Dan would hear a soft, “Tim and April are kissing in the corner. It’s disgusting - it looks like she’s trying to choke him with her tongue. I wanna kiss you and show them how it’s done.”, he flushed a bright red and shoved Phil gently with his elbow, hiding his face so his classmates wouldn’t see how much like a raspberry he must have resembled. 

 

When the school found out, it wasn’t really either of their faults. 

 

Dan had dropped his phone while Phil was in the bathroom. He couldn’t see where it had gone so he’d asked a girl he heard chatting to her friend if she could pick it up for him.

 

She had, and just then he’d heard the notification for a new text. He’d also heard the subsequent gasp from the girl, followed by muffled giggles as she shoved the phone in his direction. When he took it and pressed the button for it to read the text aloud, he didn’t even consider turning down the volume before it read out;

 

**_From: Philly_ **

 

(Dan didn’t  _ actually _ ever call Phil Philly unironically, but he’d programmed it as his name as a joke.)

 

**_Hey babe, I left my backpack in Mrs. Carter’s class, could you pick it up from me?_ **

 

Dan winced at the pet name (another thing being used ironically - as if they’d  _ actually _ call each other babe), and hurried to try to turn down the volume. In his panic, though, he only managed to turn it up as he heard the rest of the hall turn silent, the robotic voice of his phone ringing out clearly.

 

**_Love you Heart Icon, Heart Icon, Heart Icon._ **

 

Dan’s cheeks flamed as he finally got his phone to mute, being able to feel the crowds around him, but without anyone making a noise.

 

Suddenly one boy huffed out a laugh and then everyone was cackling as Dan hid his face and swung his cane, navigating quickly to Mrs. Carter’s to get Phil’s backpack. 

 

He retrieved it and then made his way back, waiting outside the bathroom and doing his best to ignore the whispers around him. 

 

The minute he heard Phil’s familiar footsteps approaching from inside the bathroom, Dan tugged him by the wrist, leading him quickly out of the school. 

 

He wasn’t able to escape the comments and cat-calls thrown their way, though, and by the time they got outside Phil was begging Dan to explain what had happened.

 

“They found out. Phil, the text you sent me - it read out loud, and…”

 

“Shit.” Phil spoke softly and Dan tensed, not used to hearing Phil swear. 

 

“Yeah.” 

 

Soon Phil was wrapping his hand around Dan’s waist as Dan folded up his cane, letting Phil drag him quickly away from the building. 

 

On one hand, Dan was relieved that Phil still had his arm around him. He hadn’t left him… that was good.

 

On the other, Phil’s silence was terrifying Dan and he felt guilt and fear pool in him. 

 

Sure, the school knowing he was gay would just be another thing for them to use against him, but honestly he already had so much for bullies to use against him that he didn’t really mind. 

 

Phil was who he was worried about. 

 

Phil who still didn’t know if his parents would be supportive or not. 

 

Phil who had had bad experiences being bullied for this very thing in the past.

 

Phil who had been the reason they’d been waiting to tell anyone aside from Dan’s family.

 

“Phil?” Dan finally spoke once they were a few blocks away. His voice came out timid - shaky as he tried to fight the tears from his eyes, frustrated by not being able to read Phil’s expression to see how how was feeling.

 

“Are you okay?” Phil finally asked, stopping and turning to face Dan, putting his hands on both of Dan’s shoulders.

 

“Me? Yeah, yeah I’m fine, Phil I’m worried about you-”

 

“Oh, thank god.” Phil whispered and then Dan was pulled into a bone-crushing hug, squeezing all the air out of him as his chin found a resting spot on Phil’s shoulder, his boyfriend’s hand coming up to brush through his hair. “I was so worried they said something to you - or did something - I got so angry I had to get you out of there…”

 

“No… no, I was fine. Phil you’re the one who wanted to wait to tell people. Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah, I’m okay.” Phil spoke eventually, still hugging Dan close. “It’ll be nothing I haven’t dealt with before. I just… I’ll have to tell my parents. If this gets back to them… Now that it’s something real I think I need to tell them.”

 

“Okay.” Dan agreed, trailing his hands up and down Phil’s spine, doing his best to comfort him. “Do you want my help?”

 

“Would you?”

 

“Of course.” Dan promised, and he smiled a bit shakily as Phil pulled away just enough to come in and press their lips together softly.

 

He sighed into the kiss, allowing his smile to expand. Everything was going to be okay. The school knew and Phil hadn’t run away. Things would be okay. 

 

That afternoon Dan and Phil went to Starbucks and then back to Dan’s house, sipping on their warm lattes and planning how to tell Phil’s parents. In the end, they decided the best would just to be up front about it.

 

“So… when do you want to do it?” Dan finally asked, brushing his fingers through Phil’s fringe as he sat across his lap, his head leaning on Phil’s shoulder.

 

“Would tonight be too soon? I just don’t want them to hear from somewhere else.”

 

“I’m fine with tonight… if you’re really ready.”

 

“I think I am.”

 

Dan smiled and leaned up to kiss Phil’s cheek - accidentally hitting his ear instead and giggling, moving over and pressing his lips to where they’d intended to go. 

 

Phil texted his parents to ask if Dan could join them for dinner and they said yes, leaving Phil to sigh and throw his phone to the couch.

 

“Well, that’s that. We’ve got two hours before we should head over…”

 

“Well I think I know just how to use that time.” Dan grinned, and when they kissed he poured everything he could into comforting Phil. Well - for a second, at least.

 

He broke down into giggles after that second, though, because just then Bailey seemed to decide she was jealous and jumped onto the couch, licking at he and Phil’s cheeks until they broke apart, laughing, Phil’s hand gently squeezing Dan’s fingers as Dan got his dog off the couch.


	13. Chapter 13

Phil was shaking. 

 

Dan gripped his hand tight as they walked up to Phil’s house, and every cell in his body was telling him to turn around and run.

 

“It’s gonna be okay. I’m right here with you.” Dan whispered and Phil gave his hand a grateful squeeze, then unlaced his fingers with Dan, still holding hands but now only cupping their fingers in a way that would appear more friendly than romantic. 

 

“Alright. Let’s go in.”

 

The two boys opened the door and took off their shoes, Phil leading Dan into the house and towards the dining room.

 

“Hi mum.” He spoke, his voice shaky as he saw her finishing setting the table.

 

“Oh hi Phil! I’m so glad you’ve brought Dan over here for a change! We were thinking we were never going to see  _ either _ of you again!”

 

“Thank you for inviting me, Mrs. Lester.” Dan spoke as Phil led him to their chairs, nearly wincing as he let his hand fall from Dan’s. 

 

“Of course, sweetie, you’re welcome over here anytime! And please, call me Charlotte.”

 

Dan just nodded and Phil smiled gently as his mum called his dad to the dining room, and then she was disappearing into the kitchen and coming back out with the food. 

 

Phil served Dan his food, earning him a small glare from his boyfriend at the babying nature of the gesture, but Phil really just did it to be kind, and the nudge he gave Dan’s foot under the table conveyed that, he hoped. 

 

Dinner went fine at first. It was all just forced small talk, but conversation was pleasant. 

 

Phil had no idea why he decided to do it how he did - actually, he was pretty certain he didn’t  _ decide _ to do it. It just happened.

 

Phil’s dad had been telling them a story about an accident at work, when Phil looked over to Dan. He looked nervous - Phil could understand why. His cheeks were slightly flushed and his eyebrows pulled together slightly, and suddenly all Phil could think about was wanting Dan to feel comfortable. To feel safe.

 

His body moved without his permission, and when one second he’d just been glancing over at Dan, the next he’d scooted his chair a few inches closer to be able to lean over and press his lips to Dan’s dimple, hoping to comfort his boyfriend.

 

When he did, conversation at the table stopped. Phil froze, halfway back to his seat, then settled back slowly and looked down at the tablecloth. He could see Dan’s wide eyes and flaming cheeks out of the corner of his eye.

 

“Phil…?” his mum started, and Phil took a deep breath, looking up to meet her eyes.

 

“I’m gay.”

 

“What?” she asked, voice a bit strangled.

 

“I’m gay. I’m gay and I’m dating Dan.” Phil continued, doing his best to seem strong and not give away that his whole body was shaking and he must be even paler than normal, because he could feel the heat and slight buzz of lightheadedness. 

 

“Phil… um…” his father started, but he wasn’t looking at Phil, he was staring in slight concern at his mum. His mum was sitting there, staring with wide eyes between Dan and Phil, confusion and shock written all over her features.

 

“I’m happy for you two.” His father eventually sighed, looking away from his mum and back at them, giving them a tense smile. “Phil I’m glad you found someone who makes you happy.”

 

“He does.” Phil confirmed, a wary eye still trained on his mum.

 

“Right.” she eventually spoke, clearing her throat. “Well, I certainly didn’t expect this, but I suppose if it’s something you feel you need to explore…” 

 

Phil’s eyes went wide and he felt Dan reach for his hand under the table, squeezing it tight as he bit back all the remarks he wanted to send back his mum’s way.

 

“Mum, I’m not ‘exploring’. I’ve known for a long time, and I really care for Dan.”

 

“Well… Phil…” his mum started, clearly trying to pick her words carefully. “You haven’t even ever  _ been _ with a girl. I um… if this is something you think you want… then I suppose I can’t do anything about that. But I wouldn’t limit yourself - who knows what you might realize you really want soon?”

 

Phil couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He saw his father bite his lip and send him an apologetic glance as blood rushed to his head, anger filling him.

 

“Mum I don’t want to be with girls. I want to be with Dan. Now can you be okay with that, or not?” Phil demanded, his voice shakier than he’d have wished as Dan gave his hand another squeeze. 

 

“I… I suppose, Phil.” she spoke tightly and Phil gave her a curt nod, returning to his food but bringing he and Dan’s interlaced fingers up on top of the table for everyone to see. He didn’t miss the small frown that crossed her face at the move. 

 

Silence took over the room for several minutes while they all ate in tense silence. 

 

“I… I really care about your son. I promise I’ll do my best to take care of him, Charlotte.” Dan carefully broke the silence, only to be interrupted by Phil’s mum.

 

“Mrs. Lester. I think… I think you’d better stick to calling me Mrs. Lester.” Her voice was tight and strained and Phil gaped at her, appalled at the disrespect. 

 

“Mum you just told him he could call you Charlotte! What changed?” Phil demanded. His father sent him a strained look that said,  _ ‘maybe just let this one go for right now’, _ but Phil wasn’t about to give his mum any slack.

 

“Phillip…” she started, but she didn’t finish it with anything. 

 

“Alright.” he finally spoke, standing and pulling Dan up with him, hugging him to his side. “We’re leaving. Thank you so much for your  _ understanding _ .” He sneered the last word, then pulled Dan from the house. 

 

They grabbed their shoes on the way, and once the door was shut behind them Phil collapsed into Dan’s arms, dropping the shoes. Tears came suddenly and shook his body as Dan hugged him close and rubbed his back with one hand, whispering gentle ‘shhhhh’s in his ear. 

 

“It’s gonna be okay. Phil, I’m so proud of you. Hey, everything will be alright.” Dan cooed and Phil just hugged him tighter, burying his nose deep into the crook of Dan’s shoulder. 

 

Finally he had to pull away, though, and he and Dan put on their shoes quickly before Phil helped Dan into his car.

 

When he started driving, he wasn’t headed home. He didn’t want to face Dan’s parents quite yet. Instead he just drove, Dan giving him the silence he needed to fume for a moment, until he finally pulled into a parking space under a tree in a seemingly silent neighborhood, turning off the car and leaning against his seat with an exhausted sigh. 

 

“I’m sorry.” he finally whispered, looking over to Dan nervously.

 

“Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault.  _ I’m _ sorry… I know it didn’t go how you wanted it to.”

 

“No… it didn’t.” Phil agreed, biting his lip. “Hey… at least my dad is supportive, though. You couldn’t see, but… he kept giving us these looks… he doesn’t agree with her. He’s happy for us.”

 

“That’s good.” Dan spoke softly, his hand fumbling around for Phil’s before grasping onto it and squeezing gently. “You know… even if your mum doesn’t understand it… I…” Dan seemed to be stuttering with his words so Phil took his other hand, making them both turn slightly in their seats to face each other.

 

Dan blushed and looked down, gathering himself before looking back up, and it was almost unnerving how directly he gazed into Phil’s eyes, even though Phil knew he couldn’t see where they were. 

 

“I’m always here for you.” Dan finished firmly, then bit his lip, the blush returning. “I... I love you, Phil.”

 

Phil gulped, eyes widening as he tried not to change how his hands grasped at Dan’s, not wanting Dan to think he was reacting negatively at all, but needing a moment to take in the shock of the confession.

 

“I… I’m sorry. I know it’s early to say, I just…”

 

“I love you too.” Phil interrupted, a breathy laugh escaping him as he squeezed Dan’s hands, a smile spreading over his face. “I love you too.” he repeated, bringing Dan’s knuckles up and pressing his lips gently to them, smiling at the flush that painted Dan’s cheeks as they scrunched up in a smile. 

 

“Good.” Was all Dan said, and then Phil was being pulled closer and he connected their lips, smiling into the kiss. He didn’t need his mum’s approval. He wished she’d give it to him, but ultimately it didn’t matter. He had Dan… and honestly nothing was more important. 

 

When they returned to Dan’s house, Phil deciding to spend the night, he smiled as he was welcomed openly. It made him realize suddenly - he was out. He was out, and not just to this household. The school knew, his parents knew. He didn’t have to pretend anymore. He didn’t have to ever keep himself from reaching out to Dan. He could be himself now… and while there may be struggles along the way, at least he’d never have to act like he was someone he was not. 

  
This thought send a warm feeling through him, the Howells smiling at him as he tightened his grip around Dan’s waist and pressed a soft kiss to his temple, feeling safe and at home and  _ loved _ . 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments inspire me to write so much (whether they're positive or negative), so please please PLEASE tell me honestly what you thought, it means the world to me <3 thank you <3


	14. Chapter 14

It’d been a month.

 

A month for the few people who whispered about them in the halls and made snide remarks to lose interest and move on, leaving Dan and Phil alone. 

 

A month for Phil to have countless arguments with his mother, always leaving him in Dan’s bed with the younger boy wrapped around him, hugging him and reminding him that they would get through this. 

 

A month for Dan to be grateful beyond words for how openly his parents accepted Phil into their home, the older boy spending more time there than not.

 

A month for Dan to have a few conversations with Phil’s father, grateful for his support and his understanding of Phil being gone from the house more often. 

 

A month for countless ‘I love you’s to be whispered, kisses to be stolen, arms to wrap around waists, and sharp breaths to escape in the dead of night.

 

“Phil?” Dan finally whispered one night. It was a Saturday night and Phil was at his house, laying on his back in Dan’s bed while Dan rested on his chest, a leg thrown haphazardly across Phil’s knees as his fingers traced the hardened plastic feel of the logo printed atop his boyfriend’s cotton shirt. 

 

“Yeah?” Phil whispered, his head coming up a bit, his chin bumping into Dan’s head as his breath ruffled the younger boy’s hair. 

 

Dan thought for a moment, unsure of exactly  _ what _ he’d been planning on saying. Instead of saying anything at all, though, he decided to tilt his head back, pressing forward until his lips hit Phil’s chin, kissing up it until he found his boyfriend’s lips. 

 

At the tightening of lips against his, Dan could tell Phil was smiling, and it made him smile into the kiss too. He giggled as he swung his leg further over Phil and flipped his body over with it, his hands coming to either side of Phil’s head as he slowly lowered down. 

 

This time his lips met the side of Phil’s nose first, and he breathed out a laugh as he kissed down to Phil’s lips, pressing hard once he got there and lowering his body onto Phil’s. 

 

They kissed for several minutes, Dan nibbling lightly at Phil’s lower lip as Phil’s fingers worked at the small of his back. Eventually Phil slipped his tongue past Dan’s lips, and the younger boy blushed as a moan escaped his throat, sucking lightly on the hot tongue against his. 

 

It didn’t take long after this for Phil to have yanked Dan’s shirt off and over his head, and soon Dan was ripping Phil’s off as well. 

 

“Hey…” Dan whispered as he tugged the shirt up. “What’s on your shirt?”

 

“It’s Mario.” Phil laughed breathlessly and Dan nodded, tossing it across the room. 

 

“I thought it was a dinosaur. So much for super blind senses.” 

 

Both boys giggled, but the giggles were soon gone as their skin connected and shivers thundered down Dan’s spine, the feeling of Phil’s fingers on his hips much more intimate than before. 

 

Bodies rolled as breaths sucked in sharp through noses, teeth nibbling and pulling, tongues swirling and licking as hands grasped at flesh and hair. 

 

When Dan removed Phil’s jeans it was hurriedly, fumbling with the button and zipper for far longer than he’d have liked. He whined as Phil gently moved him off of him, but knew it’d be worth it since when Phil returned he’d be pantless. He didn’t return quite so soon, though, first pulling Dan to sit on the edge of the bed and working his own pants off, tugging them lightly until they finally popped off his ankles. 

 

Dan heard his jeans hit the floor and then Phil was back and climbing over Dan on the bed, positioning him lengthwise with his head resting gently on his pillow. 

 

When Phil finally lowered down, kissing Dan roughly once more, Dan wasn’t embarrassed by the moan that escaped. He rolled his hips up into Phil, groaning at the sensation of being separated only by the thin cloth of boxers. They’d done this a few times before, and each and every time it drove him mad with want. 

 

“Phil.” Dan gasped between kisses, their grinding against each other becoming desperate. “Phil. I - I wanna…”

 

“What?” Phil asked, and Dan frowned when Phil slowed their motions, moving his lips down to kiss gently at Dan’s jaw, waiting for a response. 

 

“I… If you want…” Dan stammered, suddenly flushing bright red. “I… um… if you don’t want to that’s okay, but… I was thinking…” Dan bit his lip, embarrassment heating up his face. 

 

“Dan… it’s okay. You can say it.” Phil reassured him, kissing Dan’s neck now, the younger boy closing his eyes and arching into the touch. He could say it. It was okay… Phil wouldn’t be mad… and you shouldn’t do it if you can’t even talk about it… right?

 

“Phil…” Dan gasped, the feeling of hot lips against the skin of his neck driving him to breathlessness. “I… I think I’m ready. If you are.”

 

“Are you sure?” Phil asked, pulling away a bit, and Dan bit his lip, feeling heat rush to his cheeks. 

 

“Yeah… yeah, I’m sure. I want to take it slow… and talk through it and everything.”

 

“Of course, Dan.” Phil whispered, and Dan smiled when he felt lips brush lightly against his. “We’ll take it at whatever pace you need.”

 

Pulling Phil down into another kiss, Dan breathed deep through his nose, rolling his hips gently up into Phil’s. “Thank you.” he murmured. “I just… I wish I could see you.” 

 

“Well…” Phil started, and Dan’s eyes widened as he felt Phil lower all his body onto Dan, smooth skin pressing together all over. “If you can’t see me… I guess I’ll just have to let you feel me. Each and every bit.” 

 

Dan gulped, nodding frantically, blushing when he heard Phil’s chuckle. 

 

“You know, if there was one of us to see right now, it’d be you, Dan. You look….  _ amazing _ .” If possible, Dan blushed even harder, but he froze when he felt Phil’s fingers at the band of his boxers. “Can I?” Phil asked. 

 

Of course they’d already touched each other with their hands… it wasn’t as if Phil reaching into his boxers would be entirely new, but still… this was going to lead to something so much bigger. 

 

Dan drew in a deep breath before nodding, a nervous smile coming to his lips. “Yeah… yeah, you can.” 

 

He felt another soft kiss against his lips and then Phil was moving off of him, gently tugging his boxers down and then over his legs, until they were discarded onto the floor. Dan heard Phil following with his own, and then he felt Phil swing a leg over him once more, this time hovering a few inches above Dan. 

 

“Are you ready?” Phil breathed, a hand coming up to brush a lock of hair off his forehead, slick with a sheen of sweat. When Dan nodded desperately, he was rewarded soon by Phil lowering down and kissing him, and then  _ OH _ . If that wasn’t a sensation, Dan didn’t know what was. 

 

The feeling of Phil’s velvety cock pressing against Dan’s own, rubbing against it, sent sparks through Dan. He rolled his hips experimentally and groaned as he felt them move together - suddenly feeling closer to Phil than he’d ever been. 

 

“Phil - Phil…” Dan gasped, and Phil stopped his movements immediately. Whining, Dan rolled his hips back up and Phil started moving again, making Dan sigh in relief. 

 

“What is it?” Phil asked, his lips brushing Dan’s jaw by his ear, making him shiver. 

  
“Phil, what does it look like?” Dan asked, embarrassed by the question but too curious not to ask.

 

“Oh Dan, you’re beautiful. You’re all red and flustered and your hair is sticking to your forehead. It’s all curly and your lips are red and beautiful. Your eyelashes are so long and I swear your skin is glowing…”

 

“Phil… Not me…” Dan giggled, shaking his head into Phil’s lips as they continued to kiss over his jaw and neck. “ _ Us _ .”

  
“Oh. Sorry… you’re too beautiful… it’s distracting.” Phil mumbled and Dan blushed, but he couldn’t keep the smile off his face. Soon Phil was moving against him more steadily and pulling his head back a bit, presumably to look. That suspicion was confirmed for Dan when he heard a low groan from Phil’s throat. 

 

“Dan… oh, god, Dan, how do I even describe it?”

 

“Try?” Dan pleaded, whining as Phil rolled into him once more, both of them fully hard by now. 

 

“Of course. It… Dan, you’re beautiful. There’s a little bit of cum leaking out of your slit… it’s just making a little white spot on your tip and if I…” Phil grunted lightly as he thrusted a bit harder than usual, humming in contentment. “Yes… if I do  _ that _ it gets on me too… Now I have a little spot.” 

 

Dan groaned, eyes squeezing shut as he tried to picture it, he and Phil red and swollen, rolling against each other as beads of precum formed on his tip and transferred over to Phil’s, leaving little dots of white along his head. 

 

“Phil… Phil I want to do this… Don’t want to wait too long.” Dan breathed and Phil paused for a moment before kissing Dan, then pushing off of him. Suddenly Dan felt cold and he wrapped his arms around him, sitting up and pulling his knees to his chest, shivering with nerves and anticipation. “Um… do you have…”

 

“Yeah. Yeah, I got some a while ago.” Dan could hear the slight embarrassment in Phil’s voice and he smiled, thinking it was adorable that Phil had gone on a little shopping trip for them just to be prepared. 

 

Soon Dan heard a bottle uncapping and foil being crinkled. 

 

“I uh… if you’re clean… and you want to… I’m clean. We don’t have to use a condom…” Dan whispered, and Phil’s gulp was audible. 

 

“I’m clean.” Phil nearly croaked, and Dan smiled when he heard the foil packet hit the ground. 

 

Soon the bed was dipping as Phil climbed back on, and they paused for a moment, breathing heavily. 

 

“Um… so which do you want… how should we do this?” Phil finally asked, and Dan blushed, biting his lip as he thought. 

 

“Uh… I think it might be best if… I think I want you inside me.” Dan finally spoke, the entirety of his torso and face heating up. “I want… Sorry… it feels weird to talk about. But not being able to see… maybe you could kind of… take care of me? I want to go slow… and I think if you’re the one in me you can kind of take over and just… yeah.” Dan mumbled, mortified by his own awkward shamble of a sentence.

 

“Of course I’ll take care of you.” Phil whispered, and then lips were on his and Dan couldn’t be mortified anymore because the only emotion he had room for was love. 

 

For a few moments sex was forgotten and they just kissed, Dan’s hand coming up to cup Phil’s cheek as their lips moved together softly. Eventually, though, Phil pulled away and Dan bit his lip. 

 

“So… how do you want to do this? Do you want to be on your hands and knees? On your back? Do you want to uh… sit on me?” Phil mumbled and Dan’s eyes widened, not having even thought of all the options. 

 

What  _ did _ he want? While being on his hands and knees sounding kind of hot, he wasn’t sure it was what he wanted now. For his first time. Riding Phil sounded kind of nice - it gave him more control - the ability to set the tempo. The thought kind of scared Dan, though, worried about getting dizzy with the arousal and not being able to angle himself right. Maybe even getting so disoriented he’d fall over. 

 

“I think I want to lay on my back.” Dan finally decided. 

 

“Alright.” Phil agreed, and then Phil was helping Dan lower onto his back, and hands were coming to the insides of his calves, spreading them apart to make room for Phil. Dan shivered, gnawing his lip between his teeth in anticipation. Was this going to hurt? Would he even like it? Would Phil like it? What if this all went wrong? 

 

Dan’s heart was suddenly beating abnormally fast, and it only increased when he heard lube being squeezed out of the bottle, then being worked between Phil’s fingers. 

 

“Are you ready?” Phil finally asked, and Dan’s entire body was shaking, tense as he tried to breathe deep and calm his heart.

 

“Yeah.” he squeaked. He expected to feel Phil right after that, but instead there was a small silence, and then a shift in the bed. The next moment Dan felt Phil leaning over him once more, pressing soft lips against his own. 

 

“Dan… if you don’t want to do this, we don’t have to. Are you sure you’re ready?”

 

Dan smiled, relief suddenly washing over him. Phil stopped for him before they even started. Even when Dan had said he was ready, Phil stopped because he knew him well enough to know it was a lie. All of a sudden Dan realized how stupid the thought that this could all go wrong was. Because even  _ if _ everything went wrong - even if it was horrible and painful and they both hated it - Phil would never love him any less. 

 

“God I love you.” Dan breathed, and he smiled when he was rewarded with hot air wafting over his lips from Phil’s laughter above him, kissing him once more. 

 

“I love you too. Now should I put this away? We can just go to bed if you want.”

 

“No.” Dan spoke quickly, realizing he really meant it this time. “I’m ready.”

 

“Okay.” Phil agreed after a moment, and then he was moving back again and in between Dan’s legs. “Alright, just relax for me, okay? I’m gonna start with one finger now… it might be a bit cold. Tell me when you’re ready - I don’t want to surprise you.”    
  
Dan’s heart swelled with love and he let it spread through his body, relaxing him. “Ready.” he spoke, and was immediately rewarded with one slightly cool finger pressing lightly against his ring of muscle, circling it gently before carefully pressing in. He only pressed in up to the knuckle and stopped there, bending it slightly and moving it, opening up Dan’s rim gently. 

 

“You can go deeper.” Dan breathed eventually, and soon Phil’s finger was pressing in more. To the second knuckle, continuing its small circles, then finally to the base of his finger. 

  
“Is that okay?” Phil asked, his voice low, and Dan smiled. 

 

“Yeah. Yeah I’m fine. Feels a little funny, but it doesn’t hurt.” 

 

“Okay. You’ll tell me if anything hurts, right? And I’ll stop right away.”

 

“I’ll tell you.” Dan promised. 

 

Moments later Phil’s finger was slowly dragging out again to the first knuckle, then pressing back in all the way. This continued over and over again, the pace steadily increasing, until Dan finally began to feel pleasure. 

 

It was a strange kind of pleasure - a sensation completely different than anything he’d ever felt before - but it was nice. It felt… warm. 

 

“Okay. Okay, you can do another.” he finally spoke, flinching as more cool lube hit his rim, the second finger slowly working itself inside. 

 

Phil moved just as slowly with the second finger as he had the first, but finally he was pumping them both in and out of Dan steadily, moving them about a bit inside of him to stretch him. 

 

It certainly had a level of discomfort, but nothing hurt yet, and if Dan focused on the pleasure he was easily able to forget the strangeness of the sensation. The discomfort was forgotten entirely when Phil crooked his fingers just right, plunging them just a bit deeper than he had been, and suddenly Dan’s eyes shot wide, reaching up to grasp for Phil’s shoulders and digging his fingers in deep to the flesh once he’d found them. 

 

“Holy shit, Phil.” Dan breathed, expression serious as he gazed towards where he assumed Phil’s eyes were. “Do that again.”

 

He didn’t miss the chuckle that responded, but he didn’t have long to notice it before Phil’s fingers hit that  _ thing _ inside of him again, and Dan swore that even though he was blind, he saw stars. 

 

It wasn’t long before Dan asked for a third finger, and Phil gave it to him, working it in slowly. Even though Dan was hungry and desperate for more, he was grateful that Phil was taking his time. He was doing what Dan had asked, and even if part of him wanted it hot and rough and fast right now, a bigger part of him wanted it slow and gentle and loving, and that’s exactly what Phil was giving him. 

 

“Alright… Dan… I think you’re ready. Do you feel ready?” Phil asked finally, and Dan gulped. 

 

“I think so. It doesn’t hurt… I can’t see exactly, but from how big you feel… I think I am.” Dan thought aloud, and Phil chuckled. 

 

“Yeah, I think you can do it. You sure you want to do this?”

 

“Yes, Phil. I want to. So long as you do.”

 

“God yes, I want this.”

 

“Good.” Dan smiled, the smile quickly turning to a frown as Phil’s fingers left him, leaving him feeling empty and cold, clenching desperately around nothing. 

 

He heard Phil uncapping the bottle again and pouted, sticking his bottom lip out and lifting his hips in the air a bit. “Hurry.” he whined, and was rewarded with a small laugh.

 

“God, Dan, if only you could see what you look like right now.”

 

“I probably look a mess.” Dan continued his pout, blinking his eyelashes at Phil.

 

“You look  _ hot _ .” Phil shot back and Dan smiled shyly, a blush coming to his cheeks.

 

“Why is it that I’m okay having sex with you but still you calling me hot makes me blush?” Dan asked grumpily. “It’s not fair.” 

 

“It’s adorable is what it is.” Phil spoke lightly, and then Dan felt the bed moving and gulped, settling back down and reminding his body to relax. 

 

“Are you ready?” Phil asked and Dan nodded, biting his lip. 

 

When Phil’s tip first touched his entrance his eyes widened - suddenly in utter disbelief that Phil could ever fit inside of him.  _ How _ ?

 

The answer was given to him not moments later, though, when suddenly Phil was pushing inside and Dan breathed deeply, relaxing his muscles and allowing Phil in. 

 

He moved in slowly, Dan adjusting around him, and the sounds of their breathing filled the room until Phil finally bottomed out. 

 

“Holy shit.” Dan breathed, a soft laugh following. “You’re inside of me. We’re having sex. Oh my god.”

 

“Yeah, we’re having sex.” Phil laughed back, his voice fond. “You okay with that?”

 

“Hell yes!” Dan giggled, and god was he happy that he’d found someone to have his first time with who he could giggle with in the midst of all this. 

 

“Alright, I’m gonna start moving, is that okay?” Phil asked softly and Dan smiled, nodding. Phil was so kind and careful with him, and not in a way that felt belittling at all. He didn’t feel like Phil ever took pity on him - he did nice things for Dan, but just because he wanted to do nice things for him - not because he was blind. He checked in with him for everything, and now, this night, he was checking in at each and every moment, and Dan couldn’t be more in love. 

 

Phil started moving slowly, and Dan moaned lightly, moving his hips gently against Phil’s. 

 

“God, Dan. Can you… I want you to do something for me.” Phil spoke carefully and Dan nodded. 

 

“Whatever you want.” he murmured, sucking in a breath as Phil rubbed against his prostate, making his whole spine shudder. 

 

“Bring your hands down… I know you can’t see this, so I want you to get as close as you can. Give me your hands.” Phil requested and Dan did, allowing Phil to guide his hands down below his cock, his balls, and suddenly Dan’s fingers were brushing his stretched rim and Phil’s cock, feeling as it slid in and out of him. 

 

“I want you to see this as much as you can.” Phil whispered, and Dan felt like he could cry. 

 

“I love you so much.” he whispered, getting some lube on his fingers from his rim so Phil would slide past them easy, then making a circle around Phil’s cock above his rim with his hands, feeling Phil move in and out of him with every thrust. 

 

“You can go a little faster.” he whispered and Phil grunted lowly, picking up the pace. 

 

It wasn’t long before Dan was gasping, rolling his hips up desperately as Phil let out little grunts, and Dan breathed out desperate, “Uh, Uh, Uh”s. 

 

“Can I move us a bit?” Phil asked eventually and Dan nodded frantically. He’d do anything Phil wanted at this point. 

 

Phil brought his hands up and away from them, up to Phil’s neck where Dan grabbed on as Phil lifted him by his upper back, pulling him up as Phil sat on his knees, Dan sitting on his lap, arms wrapped around him as he used his legs to gently bounce himself up and down on Phil’s lap, curled around him completely.

 

The new angle helped work Phil even deeper inside of him and suddenly Phil was hitting his prostate consistently and Dan was gasping, his head tossed back in ecstacy.    
  


“Holy shit Phil. I’m gonna… I’m close… Not gonna last much longer.” Dan breathed, and Phil was kissing him, his tongue hot and heavy against Dan’s. 

 

Neither of them lasted very long after that, and soon Dan shuddered as his orgasm hit, clenching around Phil and therefore sending him into his own ecstasy. 

 

They came down slowly and Phil helped them clean up. He gave Dan his boxers back, too, and they both put on the small bits of fabric before curling under the covers, Dan wrapping himself in Phil’s arms. 

 

“I love you.” He whispered, his head curled underneath Phil’s, Phil’s chin rested atop his hair.

 

“I love you more.” Phil responded, and Dan blushed. 

 

“Impossible.” he grinned, kissing Phil’s collarbone. “Thank you… for tonight.”

 

“Thank  _ you _ , Dan. You’re amazing. I’m so lucky to have you.” 

 

“Phil are you insane? You think you’re the lucky one? You literally gave color to my life. You painted a picture out of the blackness. You gave things light and color and meaning, and you changed my whole world.” 

 

Dan tilted his head up to give Phil a gentle kiss, smiling into it. 

 

“And tonight… Tonight you helped me see for the first time in four years. You made me see stars.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading this! Please let me know what you thought in the comments <3 <3 <3


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